bread butter & jam

Strong Female Characters

2012-01-30T23:44:00.000-08:00

One of my best friends, Melissa, sent our group of girlfriends Emily Rap's "Transformation and Transcendence: The Power of Female Friendship." If you haven't read it, then I highly suggest that you take a look!

I remember getting to high school, and then college, to find that not all women craved and worked hard to hold close female friendships. I've always had strong females in my life. These role models valued a community of women. So now, so do I.

And it's not just about having a good time or about being there. It's about a level of understanding and commitment that is a different sort of true from any other relationship I'll ever have in my life. Not better or worse than the love of a parent, child, or spouse. Just its own beautiful, unique entity.

Emily Rap said, "Here’s the truth: friendships between women are often the deepest and most profound love stories."

Even before reading this article, I had been grappling with this issue in my own creative writing. When I think of my favorite pieces of literature and film, the characters are often concerned with sisterly friendship more so than romantic love. Why? Well, because my experiences with friendship have been among my most profound...They seem to be the stories most worth telling and truly, truly celebrating.

Though I might not actually have any, I am wealthy in sisters.

veggie burger...deconstructed

2012-01-24T22:56:00.000-08:00

Over winter break, I had a cooking day. I made multiple freezer recipes to save for stressful nights during the upcoming term. Cooking 5 recipes at once actually wasn't all that bad and the clean-up didn't seem all that more taxing than the regular mess I make in the kitchen.

This veggie burger recipe was at the top of my "to-make" list of freezable dishes. The recipe comes from my brother's friend, Brad, whose food blog makes my mouth water. I bookmarked the veggie burger recipe because, honestly, it seemed to be the only recipe I was actually capable of making from the list of his culinary masterpieces.

Well, the burgers came out great. And they froze great, too. Success! However, my impatience at the stove seemed to hit a record high every time I went to heat up one of the burgers. So, I've started making a sort of vegetable medley from the burgers, mashing them up in the pan so that more little crunching bits form. Also, I never have burger buns around anyways.

This concoction is decidedly hardy. Add some hot sauce and you've got yourself real winner.

Another reason I love this veggie-burger-turned-veggie-mash-up? It can easily be made gluten free. Gluten-free panko can be found in most grocery stores nowadays. And if you're a no-dairy person, you could probably replace the cheese with nutritional yeast.

Yes folks, I've been pondering a go at the gluten-free lifestyle. I'm still sitting on the idea, doing my research. Do any of you have any experience with gluten free cooking? I'm sick of living off of Tylenol for my chronic headaches and accompanying woes. There have been some studies linking migraines and neurological symptoms to gluten. Seems worth a shot, right? The biggest problem is I don't know what I'd do with all those other darn meals sitting in my freezer right now, which are definitely not gluten-free).

shakin' off the mondays

2012-01-24T00:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I had a terrible case of The Mondays yesterday. Luckily, at the stroke of midnight, I found this little gem that should help me shake off that bleh feeling just in time for Tuesday.

("Supercool" by the Bullitts)

I would be lying if I said that I haven't been trying to mimic Rosario Dawson's dance moves for the last half hour.

three woman one woman show

2012-01-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

If you live in the Bay Area, I highly suggest clearing your weekend plans for The Cardboard Box Theatre Project's "Three Woman One Woman Show With Three Women."

Maren, Kristin, and Hayley are three of the funniest ladies I know (Hayley and Maren have been cracking me up for two decades now!). I always laugh until I cry at each of their Cardboard Box performances. While home for the holidays, I got a sneak peak of some of the acts they're doing for this one...And wow. It's going be good, people.

Meet Rathskellar the Gnome

2012-01-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

The last few days were not quite as relaxing and magical as the slow, quiet new year's day before. I had to watch the Rose Bowl on dvr because of some car problems I had during the actual game. Even though I knew my team lost, I was still pretty stoked to don red gear, eat candy with friends, and watch my favorite team play hard in a big game

Rathskellar the Gnome

I get why people get worked up on games. I was raised with that, but it never caught on for me. The reason I love rooting for University of Wisconsin isn't just because of a cute mascot or great sports. And it's not just Madison's bars and lakes, ripe for parties. It's more than that.

While scrummaging through boxes at my parents' house, I found a scrap of paper torn out of my freshman orientation pamphlet. It's an explanation of The Wisconsin Idea:

One of the university's longest and deepest traditions, the Wisconsin Idea is the principle that education should influence and improve people's lives beyond the university classroom.

I'm glad to root for a team that instilled these values of education into me. I have thought about The Wisconsin Idea often the last few years, especially now that I teach college freshman. Moving into the new term, it's exciting to see how to make this class more relevant and exciting than the last.

Anyways, way to go Badgers. I'm proud of you.

And here we are again

2012-01-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a wonderful start to the New Year. I spent the first day of 2012 sleeping in, eating Mexican food, going for a long walk by the river, and watching movies once the rain finally came in the evening. It was the best.

I am not so into New Years resolutions, but I'm certainly into resolutions being a part of my every day.

Right now, I'm working on more water, less foods with ingredients I can't pronounce, more stretching, and less worrying.

Worrying doesn't do much, does it? Instead, come what may and love it:

{via lollieland's etsy shop}

Happy New Year, Y'all!

Rug-a-lot

2011-02-28T14:17:00.000-08:00

What do you guys think of this Alexa Cameo Jellyfish rug from Overstock.com?

I absolutely ADORE my pink leopard rug:

It's weird. In fact, the pink thing has prompted a wide-spread leopard hysteria. To me, leopard print might as well be Justin Bieber.

The problem is that my front door opens right into this picture above you. And I live in rainy, windy Oregon, where little thistles and bistles and muddy and puddy walk right in the door with me every day.

So the pink carpet has been taking a beating lately. And I really don't want to vacuum every single day. And that's what it's coming to. So, I'd like to find a carpet that can somewhat mask (I know, kind of gross when you think about it) little dirt and tree bits so that I can perhaps cut back my vacuuming habit into a twice a week ordeal. But don't worry, my pink leopard bestie will just be moving into my room so that I can wiggle my toes on it (with delight!) every morning. It'll be a get-out-of-bed thing instead of its current walk-in-the-door thing.

The Alexa Cameo rug seems sweet. It's rather thin and made of polypropylene, which is used for outdoor rugs. I have convinced myself that polypropylene will fix all my problems, including my personal ones like what to have for dinner. But am I wrong? What do you know? Have you ever had an intimate relationship with a polypropylene rug-fellow? Are they rugged like I like 'em? Now I'm getting vulgar, which means I should go.

Got any other rug love for me? That's not supposed to be dirty, promise.

love,

jkl

gaudy jewelry, red lipstick, and jhumpa lahiri

2011-02-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

Though I somewhat sheepishly must admit that I wish I was one of those chic gals that goes to the Alt Summit, I am going to a convention that is much more in my repository. Tomorrow, I'm heading to DC for my first AWP conference, which is basically the nerdiest literary gathering of the year. I'm looking forward to oogling at famous writers, feeling totally overwhelmed, and taking frantic notes on historical fiction.

It's odd that I'm somewhat reluctant to leave the Corvallis bubble for a few days. Things are very safe here and I get into a groove of my work, writing, cooking, and such. But this will be a great adventure and something to re-energize projects I have been working on.

...And being in a cosmopolitan city for a few days gives me an excuse to wear my flashiest jewelry and red lipsticks. It's the little things.

love,
jkl

New Years Resolutions

2011-01-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

I know the month is nearly over, but it has taken me the last few weeks to figure out my resolutions. You see, I've never been one for New Year's resolutions. Yet, every year I make them. Not only do I abandon these resolutions, but also the spirit of them. But something about this year, with a lot of new changes around me, I am craving goals. Perhaps this is only to get me through these grey winter months, but I'm excited this time around. My resolutions are with success in mind...With that spirit in mind.

I will continue my ever evolving relationships with food, my body, spirituality, & the earth.

Geez, I know that sounds so new-agey, but it's true. I think it's really important to have a fair relationship with yourself. I have found that my bonds with food, listening to my body, movement, and my impact (carbon footprint) on the world has beautifully been growing over the past three years or so. Instead of a concrete goal, I just want to encourage myself to continue exploring the links between all these newly found passions in my life and to find a balance between them.

I will stop apologizing for what I love.

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about doing, eating, watching, buying, reading, or writing the things that I love. From now on, I will not beat myself up for loving fashion, blogging, reading an obscene amount of blogs, topchef, beautiful food, magazines, fun beach reads, candles, french macaroons, perfume, glee, eating out, makeup, nail polish & manicures, long walks to nowhere, cheesy pop music, ani difranco, pink, polka-dots, glitter, sparkles, curled hair, mornings in bed reading cookbooks filled with recipes I probably will never make, dancing like a maniac, headbands, frozen yogurt, outlet shopping, interior design, theme parties, and red lipstick. That's just to name a few. Yes, I want to be taken seriously. Yes, I want to be an adult. But these are stead-fast loves. Looking back, I do think there have been some feeble efforts on my part to ween off of these things in the past year...or to (at times) hide them from new people in my life. That's so sad. Because they're lovely and real. No more guilty pleasures. Just pleasures.

I will be a good long-distance family member and friend.

I really won the family lottery. And this week I became an aunt. This past weekend, I experienced my first hard weekend of being the aunt who lives far away. It was tough, really. And I miss this little peanut that I've never even met. I miss getting to watch my brother and his wife being the best parents that I already know they are. I miss watching my parents instantly become grandparents, too. So, I need to figure out how to be Aunt Jackie from afar. However far away I am from now and into the future, I have to figure out how to still be there.

This is my third year out of college. Third! And the lovely Wisco ladies just keep living farther and farther away from me. And home friends seem to be getting married and working long hours and moving and shaking the world, too. We all know how much we mean to each other...It's just a matter of saying it out loud even more often than we already do.

Here's to a year fulfilled by happy resolutions!
love,
jkl

hard work, tolerance, loyalty, & fair play

2010-12-15T15:30:00.000-08:00

hard work. tolerance. loyalty. fair play

These are the traits of a Hufflepuff.

Ever since I read the first Harry Potter novel at age 12, I knew I was a Hufflepuff. There was no denying it. I was strangely okay with being in the Plain Jane Hogwarts house.

With the latest Harry Potter movie in theaters, there was a lot of Hogwarts talk at our MFA outings. There seemed to be a lot of love for all the other houses...Even Slytherin!

C'mon guys, we're all nerdy, emotional writers...We're Hufflepuff. Then came the Hufflepuff hating.

Well, that was until someone sent out the definitive test...a virtual sorting hat. Try out all 122 questions HERE to find out which house you're in. If you're friends with me, I bet there's a good chance you're a good ol' Hufflepuff, just like the majority of my grad school friends...All of whom now fully embrace their new found loyalty to the fairest house around. Now it's all about the Hufflepuff loving.

And you know what's even cooler?

The Hufflepuff mascot is a badger. Yes. A badger. Like Wisconsin's very own Bucky. The University of Wisconsin is totally the Hufflepuffs of the Big Ten (I know a lot of people that would hate that comment, but I DON'T CARE because it's true). All the strange labels and loyalties of my life fit together like a sweet little puzzle.

Go Bucky!

Go Hufflepuff!

love,

jkl

Girls With Glasses

2010-12-14T00:06:00.000-08:00

Each new issue of Rue Magazine seems to supply me with a new set of girl crushes. In their debut issue, I fell hard for the ladies of Ban.do. In their latest issue, the profile (starts on page 139) of the new kitschy team, Girls with Glasses, totally got me.

I find myself associating myself with this duo for 2 reasons:
1. I also am a girl with glasses.
2. They have a love for a heightened sense of beauty as a lifestyle and an awareness of general aesthetic within the every day.

These two reasons are big because they are two aspects that I highly associate with myself, though sometimes begrudgingly/guiltily so. But here are some fierce, fun role models for me who embrace who they are...No apologies. I'm learning to do that, too.

Perhaps it's time for some new glasses. I'm thinking big-framed tortoise shell. Thoughts?

love,
jkl

tis always the season

2010-12-11T22:26:00.000-08:00

In August, Sarah and I took a little trip to the local dollar store. There, we bought some prime Christmas decorations, trimmed little Saratoga's year-round Evergreen, and then took ourselves over to the only bar in town for a hot toddy.

This feels like it was yesterday. Time is moving in that funny slow-fast motion right now, which typically means that I'm in a good place.

After finishing my first quarter as a grad student, I'm heading home for the holidays tomorrow. I'm thrilled to be home with family and silly friends, though I am already not-so-quietly freaking out about getting lots done before it all starts up again. Right now, I'm planning to come home the day before I start schooling/teaching again...Eeek...now clearly a bad idea.

But back to home! I just hope Sarah and I can figure out what to stick some flamingos into during the month of December.

After a lovely (but long) day, I have the first night in a long, long while that I have all to myself with no pressing school work or social engagements. I'm relishing the quick respite with some Friday Night Lights, list-making, and general cleaning (with cheesy pop music blaring, no worries). An InStyle magazine made its way to my inbox today, along with some lent-out graphic novels. These are the littlest treats that make the holidays real to me.

love,
jkl

innocent

2010-11-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

I spotted this on Bliss' I heart Monday list (a weekly favorite) a few weeks ago. It's by lovejujube's Etsy shop, which is jam packed with delicate and delightful jewelry. This piece is titled as "innocent"and it couldn't be more perfect a name for it. That aqua bead is just so innocent there, all tied up to that big, smooth, ol' stone. Strangely calming, yet still totally unexpected. I've always had a big heart for the idea of "the innocent." Sometimes I like to think of myself as an internal innocent, which is maybe a poor word choice for what I'm really trying to say when I use the term, but I just like the sound of it so much. The Innocent is someone who always sees (or at least wants to see) the world as fresh, new, and unexpected.

love,
jkl

gluttony, desire, and amazon

2010-11-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

Phew, what a week. In every conversation today, I keep finding ways to mention that I turned in two major papers this week. I wouldn't quite say I deserve bragging rights to this, but there is this extreme lightness the day after you watch two paper-babies leave your hands.

I've been working on a larger piece about Jewish cowboys. The two books I own on the topic are well, well loved...and I've only owned them since the summer. As I was writing my second chunk of the piece the last few weeks, I realized that I'm itching to know more. The more I read about this history, the more inspired I am.

My family sent an email this week stating that we would be doing our general holiday celebrations over Thanksgiving, which is next week. Gulp. I had not prepared myself for the present exchange to occur so early on in the festive season.

Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked on it. I love buying/making gifts for my family. They are all so funny and interesting and specific that it's really rewarding to find that one present that really, really fits the people you love. But I'm feeling the pressure to find something in the next couple days. I'm totally drawing blanks. Got any ideas for me? Are you one of these people? I'd love a hint...a link...a store I should be heading to.

I'm most likely going to order off the tried and true Amazon. Free 2 day shipping. Ship to home so I don't have to pack it. Oh yes. But what to get you?...Yes, you? Tell me!

And while I'm being greedy, I might as well come out and say what I'm whispering into Santa's ear (I really want to do that...Is that bad?). Going back to the paper-babies and cowboys, I do have a research books wish list that I drool over multiple times a week. Turns out in grad school they make you buy A LOT of books. Weird. I'm majoring in creative writing, not creative reading. Just kidding. Dhoy. And then I get all jazzed on a writer or idea that a peer or professor suggests, which leads to binges at the used bookstore. All of a sudden, buying the research materials I need has become an overwhelming and never-ending hole in my pocket. Maybe giving history books as a birthday/holiday gift isn't the most exciting, but it would make me giddy. Truly giddy. I promise I would use it to pieces, until the spine was broken and loved.

And there is also, of course, the everyday wish list full of fun books I'll probably never have the time to read. And this list also has some favorite authors, biographies I've been meaning to read for 4 years, cookbooks from my favorite South African bakeries, funky music, and environmental oddities that I don't really need.

Regardless of gifts, I love Amazon wish lists as they show my ever evolving desires and interests. It's always fun to share. Is there a timeframe for letting yourself buy something after you have let it sit in the wish list bank for a given period of time? Perhaps a year?

I am smiling to myself as I look back at this incredibly gluttonous post. Someone wonderful recently told me that one of the best things they liked about me is that I was selfish. This statement here, out-of-context, doesn't quite explain the true meaning of the comment. However, it's a beautiful line in itself isn't it? And it certainly seems true, in a very different way, here in my greedy little list.

What do you want? Seriously, just tell me. It's yours.

love,

jkl

candy corn fuel

2010-11-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have days where your body is running nearly exclusively on sugar? Don't you feel kind of good on those days?

This was my dinner. It was a feast in my tiny library cubicle. I am cursing my classmate for bringing in his daughter's leftover Halloween candy. I am afraid to tell you what I had for lunch, and basically everything else I've eating thus far this week. There has been a Henry Weinhard root beer, Jerry Garcia ice cream, and maybe a few other sweets named after righteous old men.

There is a salad in my near future, I promise. But I'm on a deadline right now. So, I'm going to eat all the freaking candy I want.

love,
jkl

covered and uncover

2010-11-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

I know. It has been months. Again. You know how I am. But I miss this. And I miss sharing what inspires me here.

So, here we go again.

First, a very, very short re-cap. My first two or so weeks as a graduate student were confusing and scary and exciting. But then I, and the rest of my peers, began to break down a bit. And this break down has been really wonderful. And I feel like people here can see me and I can see them and we are defining this new normal together that is now this small, but very present chapter in our lives. And I am stressed and tired and feeling very lucky for what is making me so stressed and tired. I got it good.

This week is one of the busier waves of the quarter for me. This coming week should have very little sleep to it, which is a shame since Oregon seems to be showing me the sleepiest weather it has had yet. I guess I will just have to do with mini-breaks looking at these beauties from Clare Elsaesser's Etsy shop, tastesorangey:

covered

undercover

I've been "visiting" these on Etsy since the summer, but I haven't yet found a way to rationalize buying them for myself. They are haunting, but playful. I love the match set of a man & a woman, especially since I have quite a few girly prints going on (all of which I somewhat chose because they felt like self portraits when I first saw them).

One of the many things I'm trying to cultivate in my writing is not only the awareness of language, but also the awareness of its absence. I think these prints do this beautifully. What I love most is what I don't see.

They'd add some weight to the otherwise flighty vibe of my room. Do you think they'd look nice unframed above my bed, taking away some of the dead space there?:

(Though, I've been rocking the green comforter lately & the white rug has already been thrown out after one party with lots of muddy feet)

I still cannot really rationalize the prints. But it's sure fun to think about. Please expect this to be an indulgent place. I need that sometimes. Go there with me.

Enough break. I may not be going to bed anytime soon, but I will be daydreaming of how I will tangle myself into my white, clean sheets soon soon soon.

love,

jkl

treat sequins like vitamins

2010-09-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

Have you checked out today's launch of the much anticipated Rue Magazine?

I'm a huge fan of The City Sage's Anne Sage. It is actually her general inclusive tone and great fashion sense that drew me to her initially. Her interior design taste is beautiful, though not so aligned with my own. I knew I would enjoy Rue Magazine simply for the good writing and good taste, but I wasn't sure if I would personally draw inspiration from it.

Turns out Anne and her comrades put together an online magazine that can delight every taste. I was so happy to finally get a meaty interview from sfgirlbybay's Victoria.

Also, the Ban.do duo put on the kitschiest, most do-able party I've ever seen for the magazine. So much whimsy.

ain't no party like a ban.do party from Shark Pig on Vimeo.

Doesn't this video of their shoot inspire your thoughts of fashion, food, home entertaining, interior design, music, make-up, and general aesthetic? I love that it looks like Hello Kitty threw up in the room, yet it's still somehow unexplainably adult. I love that their first rule of life was "treat sequins like vitamins." Amazing. Their spread was a nice refreshing moment amidst the pages of traditional class. Luckily, the magazine allowed for lots of smaller bursts of attainability and fun throughout.

love!
jkl

the little this and thats

2010-09-07T21:04:00.000-07:00

Only a few more wretched apartment posts. Though, no promises. Just being honest.

Dresser tops have always been my favorite place for the little this and thats of my life. It seems like the best place to showcase the things that I not only love the most, but also actually use the most.

It's so interesting to see what specific items actually make the cut with each new move. I'm not really a Paris, je t'aime kind of girl; however, my wire Eiffel Tower continues to be unpacked first everywhere I go. It's just perfect for showcasing my earrings all out in the open, which is so great because otherwise I would just leave all my dangly pairs in their little boxes and wear the same ol' studs every day. That would be a great shame.

The Lovgrens bought me these really sweet cake stands last year after they saw me drooling over them during a summer adventure together. The picture here doesn't do justice to the blushing pinkness of them. Not wanting to stow them away, only to be used during baking extravaganzas, I decided to use them as perfume stands. Either in the kitchen or on my dresser top, it manages to hold up my favorite sweets.

These three art pieces came into my life organically, through Sarah and the flea market. I love how little pieces come into your life here and there...and then one day it's all whoa..You see how all the little pieces are meant to be lumped together in a melodic mish-mash.

I have a relatively mainstream list of favorite artists, with Georgia O'Keeffe and Frida Kahlo topping it. I'm really happy I stumbled upon this amazing stretched canvas reproduction of Frida. It's a refreshing departure from paper prints.

On the other hallway wall, I have two pieces I made. I'm a bit of a mockingbird when it comes to painting, often looking at images and symbols online to sketch and then paint over. I then take a few different things and put them together (along with some abstract strokes for fun) to make it feel more like a personal creative thought, instead of a straight copycat. One day I hope to let my painting process be a bit more fluid, but I'm just happy that I love getting covered in paint in general. It's so relaxing. And that print? I took it years ago, and it still chokes me up sometimes. It's pure luck that my dinky, river-soaked disposable camera caught this tender moment between old friends.

I feel like interior design blogs always show the spiffiest door hangers, but they never have anything actually hanging on the hanger.

I have a feeling the rack's are just cleared for the photo shoot, which actually makes sense because these colorful coat hanger baubles look downright precious on their own, but my umbrellas and farmers market bags hanging on it remind me how lucky I am to live in this new rainy & sustainable land.

love!

jkl

Have you voted yet?

2010-09-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

CB2, my absolute favorite source for vibrant home decor, is having an amazing contest with the similarly amazing photographer Todd Selby.

There are tons of great homes out there, but mine's not half bad for a first attempt out of the gate...and on a shoe-string budget! If you're so inclined, get your butt over to HERE and vote for my little space!

What are you waiting for? Vote!

love!
jkl

In the Bedroom

2010-09-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

Here we are in my new bedroom.

Or maybe bedroom/office:

Now that I have a 6+ foot long desk, I can't really even remember what it was like to have a smaller one. I looovvveee it. Hopefully, once stuff starts getting crazy around here, I can have systematic piles of mayhem with teaching stuff on one side of the desk and my own class work on the other. Meg and I both, in our own respective homes, tried out the twine clothesline photo display trend. It's pretty adorable, adding a nice and easy rustic touch to an otherwise almost too modern space.

The little bed corner has been plaguing me a bit.

I am glad I waited to find a cheap-o white comforter because, honestly, I'm not sure how much I am liking the stark whiteness of it all. I have a perfectly fine green comforter I was testing out the week before. Thoughts? I think it would look better in general if there was more artwork in the area. However, we have a problem. I loathe stuff hanging above my head. It always catches my eye in the morning and I think it's a big scary spider. Or I have nightmares of the pins holding up a frame coming loose and scratching me in my sleep. It is very weird up in this loco little head of mine. But the lack of general anything-ness above the bed is verging on asylum status. I had an alphabet wall decal that I could've put there...but, uh....I think I accidentally threw it out during the moving commotion. This makes me feel like a doofus, which is enough reason to not allow myself to buy a replacement.

Also, is that white fuzzy rug going to make me crazy worrying about it getting dirty? At first it was, but I'm trying not to think too much about it. When it gets filthy dirty I'll start to (maybe) worry about it.

Another also! When you move into a new space and new bed...and you're single (shut up)...don't you kind of instinctively know which side of the bed you want to sleep on? Usually I do. But not now. And it's confusing, switching it up every night. I've been struck with a bit of insomnia lately, which maybe has led me to manifest this issue simply because I'm up all wide-eyed trying to think of anything that is so mind boggling boring that my only choice will be sleep. One side of the bed is near the lamp and my fuzzy wuzzy rug. But the other is near the window, which is nice for feeling the breeze and general eaves-dropping. What's a girl to do?

Anyways, that's the bedroom. I think it's lovely.

Another post on a rockin' Friday night, folks.

love!
jkl

"What's broken can always be fixed. What's fixed will always be broken."

2010-09-01T23:32:00.000-07:00

By a strange accident, that I'm still trying to figure out the sequence and reasoning of within my shocked/fuzzy memory, I somewhat mangled (just a bit) my left index finger with my immersion blender. After not reaching my parents (what I do when I first hit the internal panic button), I asked a few medically minded friends what I should do. Then I significantly freaked out Sarah. All of this seems ridiculously silly and useless now. Thankfully, my all-together and whip-smart of a brother snapped me into shape, helping me figure out which of the local immediate care offices took my insurance and generally calmed me down.

At first I thought it silly to head to the doctor of what could be a not so deep cut. My dad gave me a good piece of advice (after the fact) tonight: If you have to ask yourself that question, just go. Even without this advice yet ringing in my ears, an amazing amount of blood for one tiny cut and an intense wooziness found me in a medical facility. I now write this to you a few stitches, some fun magic foam, two helpful front desk people, and one very nice doctor later.

This little incident shook me up more than it should. I've been going through a wave of very healthy emotions since my move to Corvallis. These waves ride in and out all throughout the day. In the moment I cut my finger, I was riding out a quiet tide of confidence, which was sharply halted. In the first minutes of applying pressure and figuring out what to do, there was a finite sense of aloneness. I couldn't help thinking how this scenario would be different if it had happened at home. In my sorority house. With my best friends from college in our apartment. Maybe while making dinner with friends in Brooklyn before we watched Top Chef. In short, I was having a Jens Lekman Your Arms Around Me fantasy.

But it happened alone in my new apartment. But ya know what? I was fine. Brian might as well have been there with how much he helped me. And I learned that not everything has to have an entourage. I can call a cab and sit in a waiting room and come home and eat dinner without someone holding my hand and be totally good.

Though, since coming home I have been wavering between two thoughts (excuse my profanity, it felt appropriate):

1. I am so fucking stupid. Be more careful with shiny new sharp appliances, you idiot.

2. I am so fucking grateful. It could have hit nerves...or swiped off my whole finger (ahem Jens Lekman). It seriously could've been so much worse. Like, much worse.

Though I still full-heartily agree with article #1, I am trying to let that go...forgive myself. Because beating myself up for the last 5 hours hasn't really been working out so well.

My finger was feeling rockin' the first hour out of the doctor's office, but the drugs from the stitching has worn off. So, I'm going to go and try and get loopy on some Tyenol PM and fall asleep to the soft lull of my neighbors break up fight....Seriously you guys, neither of you are white trash. So, please stop calling each other that. Not nice.

love!

jkl

spray paint. next i'll start tagging...

2010-08-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

One of the first apartment-y things I did was also one of the most fun: spray painting this dresser.

Before

The tenants before me graciously left this for me. I loved it when I first saw it, country fresh chickens and all. However, it just wasn't me. A primer, two coats of aqua, and a final gloss touch changed that real quick. I love how this dresser is so charming, yet totally different, both ways. I would dare to say that it looks pretty darn mid-century modern after its make-over.

After

And I love me some mid-century modern.

Hayley and I were on a frantic hunt for the right aqua teal spray paint, settling for what turned out to be a great choice at a Home Depot in a neighboring town, about 20 minutes down the road. This is funny now that I am getting my ground here more and more every day and I now know at least 5 places within a 10 block radius that have huge selections of spray paints. All's well that ends well.

There was a discussion of replacing the handles with something a bit snazzier, but the a-typical length of the handles stopped us from being able to go through with it. I could be on the lookout for something that might work, but the brassy old handles are really growing on me. They stop the dresser from looking too made-over.

love!

jkl

living pretty in pink

2010-08-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am rather happy with how my little living room has come together. I decided to fully commit myself to a girly living space, no apologies. I do fear that this gives the wrong impression of who I am. Sure, I am without a doubt girly, but not like Paris-Hilton-OMFG-hello-kitty-I-want-a-pink-car girly. Ick no. Really the only thing that I fear takes me to that level is the pink leopard rug. But it's so awesome. And it was a steal (as was most everything that I got) and, like I said, no apologies.

I have fallen prey to the Apartment Thearapy gods, and their associated deities (see blog roll on right), most of whom full-heartedly endorse a ridiculously pink-infused and frilly home for the twenty-something who has her own space for the first time. Because, like glitter and mini dresses, there's an expiration date on this kind of stuff. So do it while you can. And I love that. Because in a few decades I hope my home looks more like a Pendleton catalogue with refurbished rod-iron and found wood coffee tables, long and sturdy dining tables with drippy candles, and lots and lots of earthy textiles. But that's a home to save for, dream about, and build toward. For now, I'm perfectly happy with my ebay, ikea, overstock.com, tj maxx, hand-me-down, thrift store, and flea market found frilly frills.

That couch and I have seriously been bonding. Snuggling into it on Sunday evening, I even had the audacity to think Aw, my first Sunday with the couch. Who am I? My mom taught me her bargain hunting skills well as a blow-out furniture event lead me to a major steal on a really nice piece of furniture like this. It cost well below the Ikea crap I would've surely bought (Unfortunately, my thrifted furniture finds are going to be on a hold for a few years after some bad experiences).

Also, the colorful pillows are made of Day of the Dead fabric I picked up at the flea market. I'll try to take a close up picture of it sometime soon.

Lots of natural lights, hooks by the door, and a butterfly chair to hide all the cords from my internet box make me a happy girl.

My parents tipped me off to a road-by sale with this funny little table for sale a few weeks ago. I'm shocked and tickled that the wobbly little thing actually made the journey all the way up here. It's a great catch-all table for by the door, a place to put my bulky boots and all my fun trinkets. Right now, I'm testing a cactus inside of the checkered box. Can't decide if it's quite right.

You can read my feelings about Art Frahm prints here. This trio felt right beside my door, as a reminder that I always have the option to re-define my bad days, embrace my general i-am-a-mess demeanor, and to laugh. I know these photos are sexist in a 1940s context, but I have reserved the right to empower them and myself within a modern day interpretation.

Going along with the 1940s theme, the over-used and cliched Keep Calm & Carry On poster. I love it so. And I even kind of love that everyone else and their mom has it, too. It would've been a lot more logical to put the television over the fireplace and the couch against the window, giving me a lot more floor space. But I had an unexplainable aversion to this common-sense layout. Thus, things are the way they are and my couch looks as though it is eating my living room.

I love it all just the same.

love!
jkl

potty training

2010-08-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

Before shot of the bathroom in my apartment.

Totally fine, standard bathroom. But the bathroom's old and the white paint was really highlighting the bad caulking, rusty pipes, and general wear from over the years. Also, the toilet seat was one of those cushy padded things that make me think more about the last person who sat on it than I'd like to admit.

Whew! Here's the after shot. Big difference, eh?

Hayley and I taped up the bathroom so that our dads could paint it a lovely shade of lavender-grey. Then my pops re-caulked the tub (he's hard core), put up a new shower rod (old one was rusty), replaced the toilet seat/lid with a non-poofy variety (ah, much better), and replaced the shower head with a two-headed one (because the old one fell well below my chest, making washing my hair a bit tricky). Thank you daddy dearest for being the handiest man alive. Why can't that and your ability to solve tricky math problems completely in your head and without explanation be genetic?

My mom also lined the drawers and cabinets with liners where there was some of the wear 'n tear. It's amazing what a little bit of paper can ~~hide~~ do.

After the parents headed home, I re-touched some of the painting. Then I painted the white trimming near the tub, where the white was browning some, with a fresh and shiny coat. A bathroom cleaning rampage shortly thereafter allowed me then to lay down the two frilly-girly bath mats, smelly coconut soaps, candle and such. You know...I got to do the fun stuff.

People spend a lot of time in their bathrooms, especially when you have to pee all the time and have a terrible vice of taking long showers. This bathroom 'renovation' was totally worth ~~my dad's~~ elbow grease. My mom was saying that it just seems so inviting now. What a funny thing to think about a dinky bathroom in a small apartment, but I couldn't agree more.

love!

jkl

stir fry for one

2010-08-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

First dinner in new abode: success!

On the drive from Ashland to Corvallis, Hayley gave me the secrets to her standard stir-fry week night dinners. I couldn't get the idea of a stir-fry out of my head, especially when a wok was on sale at the TJMaxx down the road (yes, I know a TJMaxx down the road is going to be especially detrimental for a but it's a steal! girl like myself). The new wok paired with a slew of farmer's market veggies made for a good first stir fry attempt. Though, like the rookie that I am, I forgot the egg.

But you know what? It tasted pretty darn good. And not even the It tastes good because I made it kind of good. But the yeah, I'd serve this to a friend kind of good. The vegetables were ones I had never had, nor heard of, before. Fairy eggplants? Yes please. Weird little zucchini-looking thing that doesn't taste like a zucchini at all? Mmmmhmmm. Funny little squash? Well, duh.

I love cooking, though unfortunately I love eating-out more. It's partly a fear of the kitchen. It's partly the love of trying new things in a new town. It's partly that someone once told me my cookies tasted like meat. And my salad like barn-feed. It's partly that my parents amazing kitchen has ruined me for every kitchen I have come across since. It's partly that I love supporting local businesses...And through my stomach seems a pretty good route to do so.

But I do want to cook meals for myself more. It makes me feel more connected to the food I eat, which has become a huge part of my ever-evolving relationship with food over the years. And if I could actually make some stuff that tastes good and people want to eat, too? Well then, that'd be fantastic. Because my love of food is really about my love of community. So though cooking alone has a special merit all its own that I am learning to embrace, cooking for and with others is really what it will always be about for me.

I apologize that my picture here isn't super great. But if you want to check out some seriously good food photography, then please go to My Kitchen Moovement. It's the blog of my brother's friend, Brad. His recipes and photography actually...I am not speaking figuratively...make me salivate. I'm giddy every time a new post of his comes up on my RSS feed.

love!

jkl

late start lazy sunday

2010-08-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

My parents and second family of the Lovgrens moved me into my new place in Corvallis. I've never had an apartment all to myself, so "the help" and I spent hours upon hours of our elbow grease into every nook-n-cranny so that it's as cozy as can be. The apartment was pretty cute to start, but extra love made all the difference, especially with such stylish and handy family helping me. I'll post pictures over the next few days as all the little details fall into place.

After my parents drove off, I dove into cleaning my bathroom, which desperately needed to be done after all the painting/caulking/etc done in there. Cleaning was a welcome distraction from the imminent feeling of lost-ness that happens when moving to a new city, especially after your family has finally left the building...one's ready/excited for the independence...but it is bittersweet to finally hear the buzzing silence of a fresh space and a fresh start.

The welcomed distraction turned into a few hours, though I still don't know how. When you put so much TLC into something you get to know it so intimately-yes, I am talking about a bathroom. Should I scratch off the mystery sticky stuff with my thumb nail? Does that spot need to be repainted? Should I scrub the tub again? Yes. Yes. Yes. After the smell of cleaning supplies had sufficiently settled, I savored my first shower, using every fruity lotion and potion in there. A true christening.

Tonight, the next obligatory new place jig will take place: cooking dinner.

love!
jkl

binge and purge

2010-08-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

Sure, I have watched Hoarders before. However, I have intentionally never let myself be suckered into a marathon round of nightmare collectors. This seems odd as I have unintentionally been suckered into weekends filled to the brim with shows about drug addict interventions, cranky old doctors who can cure anything, and detectives (Benson and Stabler, respectively) kicking ass and taking names. But earnest, mousy little collectors of all things? No. No, thank you.

Why? Well, because it's terrifying. I feel for the old spinster who clings for dear life to the dress she wore to her first rodeo while Niecy Nash beats her with a dead cat found under the rubble. I feel a little too much for her...And I haven't even been to my first rodeo yet! It's like I could be a hop, skip, and a jump away from becoming drowned in my own crap like these poor things on the show.

It's like this one time when I overheard a homeless man in Santa Cruz ranting to no one about how life is like eating a cheese burger every single day:

Sure, a cheese burger is pretty good. But do you really want a cheese burger every fucking day of your life? Hell no! You want caviar! I don't even know what caviar tastes like, but I want it. And I want cake for breakfast. And dirt for dessert. I want to taste Paris. But no, you get a cheese burger. And you take it. You know what you're missing, but you have to be okay with it.

Whoa, right? Homeless man got it right. Scary. If I can be mind-syncing with crazies in one of the hobo capitals of the world then I am in trouble. That moment kind of embodies everything that Hoarders and Clean House are to me in a weird way. Feeling connected to something you don't necessarily want to feel connected to. I teared up a little bit on the street of Santa Cruz because I'm a freak. Then I ate chocolate for lunch. It seemed appropriate. Then I bought a muffin for a different homeless man that night. But I digress...

I haven't decorated the room I sleep in here in Saratoga out of fear of letting it feel like it's permanent. Yes, I know this is a perfect storm for hoarding behavior as I save up for the next place I move. So, in the little corner next to the armoire there is a pile that has been growing growing growing....

Quite a bit of this pile is simply home-makings from previous abodes that I never bothered to unpack. Though, there are quite a few recent purchases, too. I'm not even going to try and make excuses. My move to Oregon will be my first move in 5 years where I actually have help (and an abundance at that) moving into my new place AND I can drive (opposed to flying and having bulging, tearing boxes follow me a week later). These two extremely convenient and rare luxuries have given me the false ambition to buy apartment tid-bits here and there when I see them. Of course, I will soon learn that this was stupidy-upidty of me.

As my corner of gluttony grows, the fear of my burgeoning hoarding really kicked in. Luckily, moving is also a great time to start thinking about what one doesn't need. Out with the old, in with the new. Here's my current, ever-growing give-away and garage sale pile:

Okay, so the give-away pile isn't as big as the take-away pile. Clothes pack tight. Bah. I'm working on it. Lay off me, brotha.

love!

jkl

a fan letter to ryan adams

2010-07-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Ryan,

My dear friend and old roommate just left me the most beautiful voice message about her chance meeting with you today. I was flabbergasted, overjoyed, scared, and all-around emotional about the mental image in my head of two of my favorite people meeting each other. As you could probably tell in your meeting, Lauren is a really special girl. Much of our bond has been through music and I know she really gets me...and she really gets your music...and the fact that she got to meet you is, in a way, better than me getting to meet you.

I found your music when I was fairly young, at a time when music wasn't as much of an ingrained part of me as it is now. And as people do, I've changed quite a bit over the years. In some ways your music helped me change into the person I am and wanted to become. In other ways, your music grounded me, being one of the few comforting and needed constants in my life. Thank you for that.

Lauren told you that I am a writer. And I'm a bit embarrassed of this silly blog, but I hope you found it all the same. But I want you to know that your songwriting is a big part of how I came to call myself a writer. I will never claim myself to be a poet or a master of language. However, your songs taught me about storytelling. And this opened up a whole new accessible world to me and the way I thought about writing. As I said, I am not a poet. But a storyteller? Yes. That is what I aim to be. I count you among my favorite storytellers. You are among that great league of writers who take their listeners to some place we forgot, love, or need to see. Thank you again.

If you'd like to read my writing you can find it here or here. And, of course, I'd be happy to send any and all other writing I have to you if you're interested. Having you read my work would kind of blow my mind and terrify me at the same time. Also, searching your name in the search field to the right here will show you just how often I speak about you, though maybe not to the most honest and scholarly degree that you deserve.

This is coming out so hokey to me, but I'm feeling the need to just throw this message out into the world as fast as I can with all hopes of you finding it.

I just picked up a copy of Infinity Blues last week (I love Akashic Books) and I'm so excited to read it. I'm excited for all that is to come for you in every realm of your life. Thank you sharing yourself with your fans...It's been a truly sacred part of my life that I hold on to with such preciousness. This moment of being able to feel connected to you in a more concrete way will surely be something I look back on as an incredible serendipity.

All best,
jkl

jackieluskey@gmail.com

I FOOD NY

2010-07-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

I had a fantastic East Coast trip. My heart hurts thinking about all the people out there who I count as my best friends, but I'm glad that I'm lucky enough to afford the time and expenses to go and sleep in their beds and get all up in their grills for a few weeks each year. I'm still getting the hang of remembering to take pictures. So, I don't have many pictures from all the beautiful little moments I had while visiting, but somehow I managed to remember to whip out my new camera any time I was about to put a morsel of something-or-other into my mouth. Hmm...Isn't that funny? Excuse me while I go hit the treadmill. Things got a little carb/sugar crazy as you can see. Though my relationship with the east coast is somewhat of a love/hate (but mostly extreme love) situation, there is never any doubt, as you can see, that I FOOD NY.

1st row: magnolia cupcakes, cafe rakka falafel sandwich, kati roll paneer roll

2nd row: westville chop-chop of veggies burger & magic hat #9, mr. softee with sprinkles, bagel w/custom cream cheese

3rd row: soy dream liquiteria smoothie, milk bar froyo in cereal milk & iced tea, central park soft pretzel with mustard

4th row: thin slice pizza, dogfish head aprihop, ivo & lulu grantin dauphinois

5th row: van leugens earl grey ice cream, chavella's tlacoyos con napoles & trio of salsas, chavella's elotes callejeros

And yes, I FOOD & LOVE the rest of my East Coast hot spots, too (Annapolis, Bethesda, Baltimore, DC, Rehoboth, & Boston):

1st row: smoking fake cigarettes in baltimore, friend peanut butter & jelly sandwich, tequila

2nd row: national bohemian beer of baltimore, trying to pick up taylor, grotto's pizza in rehoboth beach

3rd row: mojitos at dc's lima, strobe light in eurotrash bar, kelly being adorable

4th row: patricia and anna also being adorable, meg and bradley being a mess (??) & adorable, all american diner way past my bedtime

5th row: judy & david's amazing farmer's market dinner, swampmill/millswamp road views, rhubarb pie for 4th of july

did the pictures finally show up?

love!
jkl

mitsuwa-whaaaa

2010-06-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

I really like Lucky Magazine because they pretty much cut the crap. Or rather, they only keep the crap. What I am trying to say is that Lucky Magazine doesn't even try to be journalistic in the slightest. It's all perfume samples, Rachel Bilson's autumn picks, and "steal this look" photo collages. Even their celebrity "interviews" are simply little quotes next to pictures of the products they are b~~eing paid to advertise~~ showcasing. I'm all for this sticky-sweet guilty pleasure of a Sunday afternoon read.

A few months ago, the magazine mentioned Mitsuwa for great beauty and apartment finds. I'd only heard of Mitsuwa for its best-of-the-best ramen reputation, though I had regrettably never been. A few days ago, finding my way home after getting lost in my hometown as you all know I am incredibly prone to do, I drove past Mitsuwa. I must've passed it hundred of times in my life, but I only noticed it now that it's on my Lucky radar. So, of course, I did a u-turn and got my tooshie into that Asian store mecca. Here's my loot:

I feel like I had a fair amount of restraint. I wish I had splurged more on the weird beauty stuff, but I needed a friend there to egg me on in buying those sorts of things. The little apple and pear in the back, though, are MONEY. They are so glossy and adorable. There is apple and pear smelling lotion inside of them. Umm...How cute is that? Sure, there's probably lead mixed in there, but I'm iron deficient. So, we're cool.

Asian snacks are similarly adorable. They are so adorable that I feel bad eating them. No, not that bad. The KitKat is green tea flavored, with a gingersnap kind of cookie center. Kind of weird...In a kind of amazing way. I feel like Japanese snacks are perfect for parties because they are just so happy and festive and yum yum hello kitty. Expect Pocky Sticks at every Luskey foray from now on. I have some other sick-good candy finds coming your way soon, too. You have no idea...

love!
jkl

SURPRISE!!...presents

2010-06-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

I have incredibly considerate, thoughtful, and loving individuals in my life. Unfortunately, they are spread out all over the world. Humbug. Such is life. But luckily, we live in the age of jetblue, express mail, and skype. It has made my life full of video chats, weekend trips, and surprise "just thinking of you packages" on my doorstep. Of course, I try to return the favor of these unexpected treats, but my friends always school me in giving the absolute best gifts.

The fabulous Meggamom and Lauren EBENSTEIN (I could not pronounce her maiden name. Wow. That is weird to say that one of my college roommates has a MAIDEN name.) sent me the most magical baking kit for my birthday. I was not expecting it at all. It was the best birthday surprise.

The kit had fairy creature cookie cutters, pastel sugars and dyes, and the best sugar cookie recipe I have ever tasted. There is NO butter in it, either...

...Just kidding. It's basically 90% butter. Another 5% is cream cheese.
Shut up and eat the cookie for breakfast like a good little boy.

I just adore Laur and Mege. Their present making its way to my doorstep really made my day. Heck, it was the highlight of my jury-duty-plagued birthday. They're freakishly fun. We are trouble together. Case and point:

Do you two want to move to Corvallis, Oregon? Laur, your hubby Eric can sleep on my couch. We'll drink lots of good stuff, "open sets," and let Laur berate our choices in men and vegetarianism over brunch.

Sarah always gets/makes me the best "just because" presents. I treasure the large pile of them that I have accumulated over the years. Here's my 2010 Sarah loot (what what!):

No matter how we change and grow, I love that Sarah and I have found a way to keep that really special core of a friendship. I think that core is really based on being supportive of each other. Both of us are really all about letting people, including ourselves, let their freak flags fly. Bust Magazine and the amazing "friend" painting pretty much sum up that sentiment.

Yup. She's pretty great.

And speaking of supportive people. You cannot forget Taylor. Oh, Taylor--one of the best souls out there. Have you ever been having a rough day...and then something shows up (metaphorically or literally) on your doorstep as a sign to keep your chin up? Well, Taylor provided that for me, in the most literal sense, on an especially hard day this year. He randomly sent some very thoughtful book choices to some of his friends. He sent me the Paris Review Interviews:

So, the day I got this, I may or may not have definitely most certainly have been crying over what the hell I was doing with my life. Did I really want to go to school for fiction writing? Could I be a writer? Am I a writer? Do I suck at life? And then here this book comes, showing all these people, albeit much more talented people, going through the same journey as I am. And they're all incredibly different people with incredibly different journeys. The present was double special because I don't talk to Taylor nearly as often as I'd like, which is all my own fault. So, getting this surprise really made me smile.

When I thanked Taylor for the book and told him about my crying-episode (well, I might've left out the crying part), do you know what he said to me? He said, "Whatever you decide will be the right choice...There are a million paths to where you want to be."Wow. Sometimes someone who really knows you says the right thing at exactly the right time. His words have really stuck with me, becoming a mantra of sorts, over the past few months. Taylor's one of those rare breeds of science smart, people humble, and art heart.

He's silly, but I always tuck his words in my pocket for comfort later.

And then there are the ultimate masters of the sneak attack present givers: Brian and Kim. I think it's the joined forces thing, but they always get me the best stuff. Sometimes, I feel sorry for Brian. I mean, he's both lucky and unlucky to have his sister count his wife (and him!) as one of her best friends. It makes for a lot of three musketeers evenings that he might have planned to be a romantic night for two. Whatevah...He loves it.

Kim's the ultimate baker and I'm just a grasshopper, but they got me this awesome print that will match the amazing pea green fridge in my new apartment:

All kinds of adorable. Just like the two of them.

Brian has an unfortunate amount of pictures of himself being sandwiched between his wife and sister. Mu ha ha.

I'm a lucky girl. All these people in my life who I feel all around me even when they're not near. Sometimes, I really get frustrated that I don't have a geographically founded life. Ya know? Like some people have this amazing community that they come from and stay at...with all the people in their lives doing the same thing. But that's not my life. Nor is it the life of my family and friends. But we are still all so very there for each other. I know a knick-knack doesn't make up for a person being there, but it sure does help hold me over.

love!

jkl

three months from now

2010-06-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Here I am again...Crawling back to you. You must not be surprised anymore.

While at our Chinese-food Father's Day dinner, I found myself in one of those fuzzy, momentary funks that I know we all find ourselves in a few times a week. You know, where the low roar of a busy restaurant kind of forces you into a meditative, contemplative mood...You begin thinking of mundane this-and-thats, which somehow morph rapidly into strangely fleeting life crises. I was fretting over all the silly non-issues that I have allowed to manifest into acutal issues, mostly out of sheer boredom and a want for a bit of spice in my life. Feeling ridiculous about my current daily concerns that I had somehow let consume me for the better part of an hour, I absent-mindedly grabbed my fortune cookie (yes, I know, I always talk about fortune cookies):

"Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you."

Well, I'll be damned! That was just what I needed to snap me back into reality and stop fretting over my incredibly ridiculous, unimportant, and self-made issues of present. You see, three months from now is September 20th. September 20th also happens to be my first week as a graduate student. Oh, you clever little fortune cookie, you!

I think most people who come to this place already know that I am heading to Oregon State for graduate school in the fall. It's funny because I have been so hesitant to write on my blog, emails, etc. the last few months out of a fear of showcasing my anxiety, lost wanderings, and all that other stuff that doesn't seem to get better by sharing it with others. And of course, the wanderings and anxiety will not simply end because I am once again on a school roster. I wouldn't want that. I don't want to live my life in extreme highs and extreme lows of self-assurance and self-doubt. But I'm learning to embrace the rising and waning tides of them. I am learning to make the dull roar of crises, just like the one found tonight in a Chinese restaurant, a constructive part of my life.

But all that aside, I'm just so thrilled to have something going on in my life that I am squadiddily-butt excited about. It has been so long since I have given myself the permission to be truly and honestly excited about anything. But here I am--excited. And it feels like a return to self.

I had a lovely visit to Corvallis, Oregon (my to-be new home) last week. I took a tour and met people from my program. The few days there were filled with warm, inviting people, foods, and places. It made me want school to start next week! But alas, as the way the fortune cookie crumbles, I have to wait nearly 3 months. The nature of my waiting place (ahem-Saratoga) has changed a bit in the last few weeks. I'm letting myself enjoy home and summer adventures more. There are many weeks of writing, researching, friend-visiting, poorly painting, and sunburning ahead.

love!

jkl

first picks of the season

2010-04-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

Some Sundays you find yourself working on very non-Sunday like kinds of things. But somehow the work finds a way to be satisfying, especially with some iced tea, blackberry pie, and a big window of sunshine to aide your shoulders in getting their first freckles of the Spring season all by your side.

This past week has been very kind to me. Incredibly kind, really. So, it felt only right to be at peace on the start of this new week.

Happy Sunday. Happy Monday.
love!
jkl

i got a dollar hey hey hey hey

2010-04-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

A rare occurrence of events has made it so that I have an extra $190 in my pocket from doing nothing but sitting in my house on one specific Thursday. It really is a long and boring story, but at least it's one with a somewhat happy (or, er maybe just profitable) ending. Whenever I come across money that I don't really deserve I think of the I got a dollar dance from Little Rascals.

Last month wasn't pretty on the finances. There were many excursions, out of town guests, and buying sheets for a bed I don't own. $190 could soothe that mayhem down a bit. And then, of course, there are summer adventures to be planned that will undoubtedly turn costly. Oh, and getting my own place soon enough. All things that $190 in the piggy bank could make me feel really awesome about saving.

Or...I could just blow it on something awesome. I've spent the better part of today dreaming of what I should do with this whopping amount of excess cash that is burning a hole in my pocket in a way that I've never felt before.

Here are some of the burning-hole-in-pocket daydream purchases:

1.

I in no real way need the newest ipod nano. Nor do I really want one. And there certainly is a huge array of gadgets at the Apple store that are far more inspiring. But I want to be able to easily record people for interviewing/literary purposes soon. I somewhat loathe traditional tape recorders. They're bulky and not user friendly and don't jive with the rest of technology as well as they should. There used to be an add on thingy-ma-jig from Apple that put a microphone on your ipod. But of course that is so 2008 and they don't sell that anymore for my ol' non-microphoned ipod. But these new, shiny, colorful nanos have a recording device built right in and would upload onto my computer in a hot second. Sometimes things that make your life easy are what we most long to have.

So, um, I have a confession. I have no idea where my camera has gone. It is either lost or stolen...or maybe even BOTH. I don't really know how I could have lost it because I basically NEVER used it when I had it. And it took kind of bad pictures in its last (4th) year with me anyways. I wish I had that sucker now, though, because it would be free. I go through these phases where I have an intense urge to start taking pictures more. I'd at least like to have the option when the urge tickles at my toes. This doesn't seem like all-too-crazy of a thing to splurge on with some new-found-cash, right?

I mean it would be totally ridiculous to buy an expensive top over a new ipod or camera, but these do make me swoon. I spend so much time looking at incredible blogs with incredible style and aesthetic, oftentimes filled with pictures of beautiful women in clothes I cannot afford. It's at least fun to let myself consider the possibility of owning one of these flowy, lovely blouses.

The Ted Baker one on the left reminds me of these Steve Madden butterfly sneakers I had in the 6th grade. When I wore them I didn't think--I knew--that I was just the coolest. This breezy blouse would do just the same. It's like the natural bridges monarch migration happening on my body. Ahh, bliss.

The Pioneer Woman showcased the Joie blouse on the right on her own blog. I knew I had seen it before...And that I had obsessed over it before. Seeing it on her blog, paired with my typical uniform of skinny jeans and Frye boots, my yearning was rekindled. It's just so incredibly easy looking, while still being elegant...and forgiving.

Speaking of forgiving flowy tops is funny because on one online hunt I came across a facebook group titled "guys against women wearing flowy tops." It was unclear whether these college dudes were upset by the potential for false advertising of what's going on underneath the flowy bliss OR if they simply hate chiffon and silk because it makes it harder for ladies to show off their goodies at which they can easily oogle. I thought it was pretty funny, regardless of their reasons.

What do you think I should spend my easy cash on? And if you want to tell me to freeze it or put it in a vault or something than I will grumble and say fine, too. The pondering is really the fun part, anyway.

love!

jkl

nom nom nom

2010-04-06T22:40:00.000-07:00

Well, Passover is officially over. And all that is left are the last pieces of crack...I mean chocolate matzah.

It's really just a slap-stick version of the smitten kitchen recipe. I have made it many times before, but with saltine crackers as the base instead of matzah. I had always kind of poo-pooed the matzah version actually because I am, in general, a bit of a matzah hater. But I didn't know what I was missing because matzah is where it is at when it comes to this sucker. It's something about the thinness that just really is addictive. There's a sharpness to the whole eating experience with the thin matza and coarse salt. Adding hazelnuts, almonds, dried bing cherries, and Himalayan pink salt really just takes the whole thing to the next level. It's a perfect, easy recipe to make for a housewarming gift or for general snacking. Nom nom nom.

No, I didn't keep Passover. Judge me if you're into that kind of thing. I've never thought too much of Passover in general, but I'm glad it gave me a reason to try some new recipes for my more observant friends and family. Also, the Obama passover article in the New York Times gave me the warm and fuzzies in that very cool, progressive, all-American way that they are so good at dishing out.

Oh, and Sarah was here for the whole she-bang of a holiday, which was beyond wonderful. Thank you Jewish pre-school that employs Sarah for believing that toddlers deserve a Spring break, too. I fed her chocolate matzah in exchange for her ear...As in forcing her to listen to me freak out about life for 8 straight days. She's the best at the kind of stuff.

love!
jkl

what's your fantasy?

2010-03-11T14:07:00.001-08:00

imagine my delight and surprise when this little gem of an awkward segment showed up on my gym's tv screen:

love the body language. oh ludacris.

love!
jkl

Boots and Boys

2010-02-11T17:55:00.001-08:00

That Tik Tok song is fun. You have to admit it. You HAVE to- otherwise I simply won't believe you. Because it is so SO much fun. You know what's more fun, Ke$ha's boots and boys song (these are the only 2 songs of hers I actually know). Not only is it ridiculously fun...It's also ridiculously true. Sure, I think about global warming and and Michael Pollan and sustainable living and Oh-me-oh-my-PANICATTACK-what-am-i-DOING-with-my-LIFE and Joanna Newsom and wow I am so having a quarter-life crisis and Steinbeck and all that other good stuff. Yeah, I sure do. BUT, at the end of the day, what have I really thought about most? Yeah- boots and boys.

I suggest listening to the song while scrolling down this list:

row 1: jeffrey campbell lillehammer boots & bon iver's justin vernon

I could live in a shack in wisconsin forever, so long as I had these boots and that boy. I am not joking. Not one teeny tiny bit.

row 2: heidkruger boots & ryan adams

These boots are modeled after German stylistas, but I get an even more northern, Scandinavian vibe from them. And I'm really crushing on Scandinavian style right now- who isn't? It's so timeless, just like Ryan Adams for me. These two could go together like apple pie and cheddar cheese- both are kind of a sharp sweet.

row 3: frye "melissa"half lace boots & madmen's rich sommer

Frye is one of my all time favorite brands for which I am always scouring for an eBay steal. These boots are perfect and hard to find. The mahogany color...The perfect half lace...I pine...PINE. It's one of those boots that would go with anything. And I love how even though it's rugged, it's also kind of for that squeaky clean style. Speaking of squeaky clean, hellooooo Rich Sommer. I want to squish your face.

row 4: coclico's ndakkina booties & zach galifianakis

These boots are chic. Zack Galifianakis is not. But somehow they seem right together. Colico is the kind of brand I aspire to wear. It slants in the direction that I feel my own personal style is growing toward. It's my "big girl" style. I know there's kind of a cult following for Mr. Galifianakis, but I want to set the record straight: I've been loving this bad boy FOR YEARS. I've watched youtube videos of his stand-up comedy for years, all the while thinking to myself "i don't know what it is, but that man has got it goin' on." Oh boy- what is wrong with me?

row 5: banana republic's maura booties in ash & a bearded John Krasinski

My want list has forever had a simple grey bootie that goes with everything on it. These ones might do the trick. I keep waiting for the sale. Even so, I tried them on a few weeks ago and my ankles were absolutely swimming in them. They were actually comfy and not too high, though. Beggars can't be choosers. And as for John Krasinski, I'm actually not a huge fan. I mean, yes, he's adorable and he always plays the PERFECT guy in some way or another (Away We Go- Perfect! It's Complicated- TOO perfect!), but sometimes he just seems a little to sugar with not enough spice. His beard in Away We Go was probably my favorite thing about the whole movie.

row 6: barney's co-op lace up ankle boot & kitty genius' (ashley g's) red bearded man

I don't LOVE love these boots, but I thought I did when I originally saw them (in navy) in Gap's holiday commercial. It took me literally months of curious googling to find out that they were a (sold out) Barney's brand. I couldn't walk in these honker's anyways and don't need 'em in my life. I do, however, need Ashley G's bearded men in my life. I own a different print of hers with an array of brightly colored bearded mountain men. It's one of my favorites. I even had it professionally matted (the lady at Michael's was totally judging me on my matting color selection of teal) . This bearded guy here is especially adorable. Does he come to life?! He can go ahead and materialize the hard to find Barney's boots while he's at it.

I'm pretty sure I have proved to you that I do indeed live up to Ke$ha's boots and boys song. I'm gonna own it.

boots & boys love,

jkl

oh ya, about that...

2010-02-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile- Shocker. But I really have been following through with my "project of the week" goal! Here are the last two- Incredibly belated to you, as always.

The recipe box was a project that seemed taxing before taking it on, but it was surprisingly easy. It was actually so easy and produced such a meager result that it ended seeming somewhat underwhelming on final presentation; however, really organizing (and ditching the bad) recipes has de-cluttered my life in a major way.

I know, thank you. Yes, that is the cutest recipe box on Earth. Who knew recipe boxes could be cute? But oh, this one is, most certainly. Have you ever searched for weirdly specific things, like a recipe box, and had no luck? And then you throw up your hands and say whateva, only for the strangely specific wish list gods to have the perfect trinket-or-something-or-other enter your life? That is indeed what happened here.

So, I had clipped recipes literally EVERYWHERE in my room, in my coat pockets, crumpled in my purse, in the back seats of my car, etc, etc, etc. Recipes, good and bad, were coming out of me ear. I thought I'd be entering them all into my recipe box, but I realized that was silly. Instead, I created a folder for untried recipes. Then I threw out the failures and the ones that I knew I would never try. Then, only a precious few actually made it into the box.

Yeah. It's just the few. The mighty. About 25 recipes made it in, which is pretty good for a 23 year old gal, right?! And truly, this is a recipe box I want to have for the rest of my life. So, there's no rush to fill that sucker up. It's an exciting start, almost like Yelp...or maybe more like starting a new charm bracelet. The recipes I will add I will always associate with epic failures in the kitchen, first dinner parties, good memories, and increased jean sizes. Each recipe is like a page in a diary, a keepsake, an oral tradition.

A shadow box was my other project of the week. This was so fun. I love any excuse to use glitter. And believe you and me, sister, I find an excuse often.

Fun! I had planned to do cute retro girls all around the shadowbox. I bought a book of pin-ups, but when I brought the scissor to the page, I just couldn't do it. I loved the book too much. Oh Frahm, Elvgren and Vargas- How I adore you so! So, I lurked around my closet and drawers to find some other fun knick-knacks that matched the personality of the sweet friend that I can't wait to send this to.

The box has a lot of texture and sparkles. It's definitely not anything super crafted, but it was really soothing to make- very similar to that strange calm that comes from gluing together an inspiration board...getting into that weird, lovely zone.

Can you guess which friend I crafted this for? I spy 3 big ol' hints right here.

Oh, well aren't you a coy thing? Where did you get that dress? I love it! You seem sweet, but I have a feeling you are more a Riz than a Sandra Dee girl.

Well, that's all. This week's project of the week is to stretch and take a minute to just breath every morning and before bed. It's simple, but it matters. I think these two little things may really help me focus and de-stress my day. We shall see...Don't plan on me recording my breathing/stretching. Nobody wants to see that, silly.

Love!

jkl

project of the week: shadow box

2010-01-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I shall reveal my recipe box that I have totally been geek-ing out over. But until then, may I fancy your taste buds with the news of my next project of the week?...

Sticking with the theme of boxes, I will complete a shadow box art project this week. Way back in the fall, I got sucked into Michael's ponzi-esque scheme where they give you a 40% off one item coupon EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SHOP THERE that expires in one week. That, my dear friends, is how I ended up with two unadorned shadow boxes, Martha's glitter box set, and pipe cleaners (don't ask). Finally, after weeks of shamefully perpetuating my vicious cycle, I tore up my coupon in front of my cashier. We made eye contact and I could tell she thought I was brave. That what I did took a lot of heart. Oh, it was hard to do, but I did what had to be done.

It really did have to be done, especially since the glitter, boxes, and pipe cleaners are still all huddled into that nook behind my t.v. months later, unopened and sad. I have a specific friend in mind who I think would really appreciate a shadow box. So, I will be attempting my first one with her in mind (and will send it to her, too, you dummy). Wish me luck because I really will have a hard time if it turns out silly.

love!
jkl

hump day to do list

2010-01-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

Finish FAFSA paperwork
Have soup for at least two meals
Listen to the rain for a fully 20 minutes before getting out of bed
Put away laundry
Complete recipe box
Re-send to all the girls the hilarious email JoJo sent me in 2007, complete with a play-by-play of a ridiculously eventful night

love!

jkl

Feelin' Slushy

2010-01-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

First, a Daily Intel excerpt:

"When you're a single lady in your early twenties and you live in New York and work in publishing, you sometimes feel so sorry for yourself that you burst into tears, spontaneously and without warning, in public. We've been there, and so we empathize with how annoying it is for Risa Chubinsky, a twentysomething subsidiary-rights manager at Simon & Schuster who lives in Park Slope, when she bursts into tears at a local bar — just like anyone in her situation would! — and finds herself upstaged by people who are even fatter, less talented, and incapable of financially supporting themselves than she is."

Well, this might as well be an excerpt from my life last year. Verbatim. The "fatter, less talented, and incapable of financially supporting themselves" upstagers being spoken of are, of course, the Park Slope baby brigade. And oh, it's so true. However, this Daily Intel article goes on to baby hate, while I baby love because they are so cute and they can't help it that their moms drive their strollers like madwomen.

For the most part, or at least on my best days, I don't regret abandoning my NY editorial dreams. It wasn't the right time, place, or economy...And maybe it wasn't the right me either. Maybe in a few years, a different version of myself (and a different version of the world) will be better equipped for it.

But, I must admit, old habits are hard to kick. I still get my daily Publisher's Lunch. I still peruse all the blogs and bestseller lists. Though, now it's for pleasure and curiosity over the previous feelings of pure yearning and preparation. And all my publishing minded friends, even the ones who have gone different directions like myself, seem to do the same thing, too. And we share our findings. There were two great articles about publishing last week.

Another great article is the Wall Street Journal's "The Death of the Slush Pile." I know the slush pile all too well. In fact, I would say that the slush pile and me have a somewhat intimate relationship. And maybe the slush pile is dying, which is great and horrible. As a slush pile reader I was always hoping, waiting really, to read the first few lines of what I just knew would be a hit. It would be a magic moment. And though I never had that moment, there were some close calls. And the taste of the promise made it so that I never hated the slush pile quite as much as I should. Maybe that's the writer in me. The girl that knows that one day my writing will be in the slush pile and that maybe some intern will read it and believe in me and root for me. Or maybe it's from our American Idol culture, where the underdog-the slush pile everyman- actually makes it. Or maybe it's the American Dream and promises of equality where one can feel good in knowing that their work will at the very least be glanced out, thumbed through, by some twenty-something punk.

Whether your care about reading, editing, books, slugs, baseball, marshmallows, bon-bons, puppies, or daisies, I think everyone will think these articles are pretty interesting. So, check 'em out and tell me what you think.

love!
jkl

project of the week: recipe box

2010-01-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

I am planning on instating a "project of the week” ritual for myself. There are so many lingering, half-done and un-started projects sprinkled around my room and head. Beyond finally getting shit done, I think putting this little weekly goal in place will allow myself to make some of my more creative endeavors and hopes a priority, or at least for one week at a time.

I want to start out easy...Ya know, so I can trick myself into thinking that this will be something with which I can actually stick. So, by next Sunday I will show you my completed recipe box.

Why a recipe box? Let's start at the very beginning...

Last year, I picked up baking for many reasons:

1. People told me my cookies tasted like meat

2. I had a lot of time on my hands in the early stages of unemployment

3. I paid people to be my friends when I first moved to New York. My currency? Cupcakes and cobbler.

4. I am the Cookie Monster

Now, I'm kind of a good baker. Kind of really good, actually. I can eyeball flour and sugar measurements. I know when a dough looks just right...And how to fix it when it looks a bit goopy. And it now doesn't taste meat-- or at least not most of the time.

I've been tiptoeing outside of the baking arena and into cooking one a bit lately. There are many reasons for this:

1. I am curious about food. It's exciting.

2. I like to feel connected to my food. Michael Pollen's brainwashing has turned this inclination into a necessity.

3. I'm lost. And when you're lost, you want to feel grounded. And being all domesticated and stuff makes me feel more grounded...Or at least like I'm preparing myself to be grounded. It keeps the hope alive.

4. I love healthy food. I also love ridiculously bad for you food. However, I'll take a homemade buttered treat over a processed, corn syrup drenched nacho any day (please look the other way as I hypocritically slurp at my Otter Pop).

Where am I going with all this? I've baked a lot. I'm beginning to cook some, too. All this has lead me to have oodles of torn out and book marked recipes in every crevice of my purse and drawers. I'm sick of it, doggone it! So, next week you shall see a purdy little recipe box, bursting at the seams with all the recipes I have triumphed, failed, and yet to attempt.

love!

jkl

Haiti

2010-01-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

After a mini-earthquake in NorCal on Monday, I am truly counting my blessings this week. I hope you are keeping up to date on all that is going on in Haiti--and considering donating if you have the means to do so. It is truly catastrophic. It blows my mind and breaks my heart. I just put my small drop in the bucket...and it'd be pretty amazing if we all put a drop in.

Here are some good options if you want to put your piggy bank toward a good cause:

The American Red Cross via their website or text messaging. By texting "HAITI" to "90999", a $10 donation will be charged to your phone bill.
Doctors Without Borders
Partners in Health
AmeriCares

And if retail therapy is more your thing:

50% of all sales Thursday thru Sunday will be donated to UNICEF to help Haiti!!
Click Here for Link

50% of all sales will be donated to the Red Cross Disaster Relief fund today 1/14/10.
Click Here for Link

Haiti Relief Fundraiser
Click Here for Link

Auction For Haiti: Name Your Design
Click Here for Link

love!
jkl

Pretty Please: Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear

2010-01-08T18:19:00.000-08:00

Jackets are a toughie. No matter how many cute little numbers I have in my coat closet, I always end up grabbing my dusty blue columbia zip up fleece. I love the nubby soft fleece. I love how I feel like I'm still wrapped up in my comforter that I begrudgingly got out from under in the morning. I love that it's comfortable to drive in or wear for hours. I love how I feel the odd combination of chic, easy-going, and earthy when I zip up that bad boy. There's something about a lady in a north face or columbia zip up who pairs it with skinny jeans, rugged boots, and playful hair that looks so crisp and squeaky, all-American girl to me. And really who doesn't love feeling like a squeaky clean all-American every once and awhile? It sure beats having to wear pearls and a Lily-Pulitzer polo to feel like that feeling (no disrespect to my Lily P. and pearl loving friends).

here are some of my favorite warm 'n fuzzy fleeces that seem just perfect for the season:

It should be blatantly obvious why I want this sucker. Bucky's always got your back! Of all the fleeces listed, this is the one most likely to end up in my closet within the next month...or week depending on my will power. The reason for this is plain and simple: price. I loved this guy while I was still in college (a whopping 19 months and 8 days ago...but who's counting...), but couldn't bear to splurge so much on what is basically a glorified hoodie. Then I get an email from the UW Bookstore saying there's a sale and, low-and-behold, there is my lovah in the sale section for the lovely price of just $32.50. That, my friends, is an amazing deal for such a great never-go-out-of-style (no matter that this is because it was never in style) piece. They only have a men's size small or x-large. I usually get a child's extra-large, but that's mostly because it fits the same as a woman's medium and costs half as much? should i go for it? mostly likely yes.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear....I think it'd be nice to demand that people call me Fuzzy Wuzzy Bear in this North Face zip up. It's not their typical fleece, but more of the extra-plush, flokati (oh how i love you, flokati rugs) version of a jacket. I can just imagine being so thankful for such a snuggly piece on the first bitter cold day of the winter season. If only it didn't cost a $100 to be deemed Fuzzy Wuzzy.

Whenever I see a girl my age in this men's style from Patagonia I get so so jealous. It just looks so girly and fresh for some reason. I am particular to the more earth toned colors of oatmeal or textured beige (believe it or not, that is a little bit different from oatmeal). I do like this color combo, too, though. It's so soothing. I was telling Noah how much I liked his Patagonia jacket and how I wanted my own (turns out not so great a topic for your dude friends) and he stopped me and was like you have spent way too much time thinking about a jacket. bahhhh! but this is who I am!

Do you have any basic clothing items that you obsess over? Sneakers? The perfect sports sock? The right back to earrings so that they doesn't fall off or pinch your ear lobes?

Have a great Friday night my sweets!

love!

jkl

p.s. It took a lot of stamina and will power to try not writing in all undercaps. Was it easier to read? Or can I revert back to my childlike ways?

s'mores ya lata

2010-01-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

hayley is always making some deconstructed s'mores concoction. so, for her birthday it was pretty obvious that i just had to make her s'mores cupcakes. i was fully prepared to except a doomed fate with a complicated martha stewart recipe, but somehow they actually turned out super scrumptious (though definitely not as purdy as martha's).

please excuse these sorry excuses for photos. i need to stop pretending that my computer's camera is actually fine for everyday pictures....and maybe find that pesky digital camera of mine, wherever it is...

oh ya, there is a graham cracker bottom with chewy chocolate cake and homemade marshmallow frosting. the frosting was the scary part. any recipe that involves the words "simmering water" and "egg whites" might as well also list "self doubt" and "epic failure sauce" as ingredients. for a moment i considered whipping store-bought marshmallow fluff with confections sugar, but then i realized that i'd have to call myself a pansy if i did that. plus, i think that baking is a time to truly ditch corn syrup and all the other gross preservatives found in store bought treats. that's my version of healthy cooking...corn-syrup free marshmallow goop. i'm glad i went for the homemade version...and was victorious!

these cupcakes didn't taste exactly like a s'more, but they were still pretty awesome. in the future, i might play around with the cake part so as to make it more s'mores-y (or should i say s'more s'mores-y?).

love!

jkl

new year

2010-01-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

hello folks!

first of all, happy new years! I hope your new years' celebration was as lovely as my minnesota one. the new year seemed to creep up on me quietly this year- and somehow this felt fitting and good.

i don't think i will surprise anyone by saying that 2009 was not my best year. and that's okay. if anything, that's good. nobody should want their best year to be when they are 23. i have avoided this blog for so long because my year has been so fickle and i was afraid that my words would seem foreign to me mere minutes after writing them. i considered abandoning this, but some friends and anonymous readers have led me to give another honest go at it. i have always used this space as an outlet. i think it's time for a change. bread butter & jam shall no longer be my outlet, but more of an escape. yes. yes. that works for now doesn't it?

of course you'll hear me yap away with annoying musings every so often, but for the most part i want to share silly pictures, favorite recipes, music mixes, inspiring articles and pictures, interior design ideas, current drool-worthy shopping, and poorly executed crafts with you from here on out. at least that will be the case for awhile. it will be fun.

last year i listed only 2 resolutions (write every day and drink more water) thinking that a short bucket list would be easier to kick than a long one. ha ha! proved ya wrong, buck-o! who is buck-o? i don't know, but i bet he's feeling pretty silly right now.

since i can't keep 2 resolutions, i might as well revert back to my old ways of bazillions of new year's resolutions to not follow in the following year. i've tried to make them somewhat easy so that i can pat myself on the back and buy ice cream if i manage to cross off at least one or two of them by 2010:

drink a glass of water before bed and right when i wake up
become ridiculously good at cooking tasty soups
write bloody feet story collection as a personal project
host more dinner parties
paint and sketch on a regular basis
write down dreams (my dreams, your dreams, sleep dreams, day dreams...)
remember to take my vitamins and wear my contacts every day
figure out the perfect face care routine
volunteer on a more regular basis
have optimism, generosity, and kindness become part of my natural state of being
be better about keeping in touch with my incredibly wonderful and good-looking friends

what are your new years resolutions?

love!

jkl

sorry

2009-11-24T15:41:00.000-08:00

i have no excuse for not writing here. no one and not one thing has been stopping me except myself. however, for various reasons that i will hopefully explain very soon, many incidents are cooing me back to this space. and i will. i want to. but first i gotta study my but off for one more week.

please note: i did not stage this little fella. he's just an excellent tutor. really knows his stuff.

lance is waayyyyyy over this GRE business

love!

jkl

sweet little things

2009-09-04T11:23:00.000-07:00

fairy whimsical nails are always a good idea.

celebrating the changing seasons with fresh fig cupcakes with mascarpone frosting. yum.

and the sweetest little thing of all, puppy lance. he fits right in with our family. his brother, dallas, is at randy and lizzy's. little lance here is the calmest, sweetest puppy ever.

now, off for a sweet little adventure. dashing up to ashland with the lovgrens and parents this weekend and i could not be more excited to be up in that funny little town, especially with lance there by our sides!

love!

jkl

yes no maybe so

2009-08-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

it's been a long absence. and it's been an intentional one. it just seems as though i can't trust my thoughts or feelings right now. one moment i think one thing, but please don't hold it to me in the next. it's a polarizing uncertainty, where i waver between extreme optimism and extreme anxiety. the experience and consequential outcome of both sides are overwhelming and, hopefully will be (in the end), good for me. i don't want to block out this experience because it's important, but i do think, in some ways, that it's important to keep it somewhat neutral here.

besides the constant inner-monologue that's been going on in my head, i've managed to have a magical summer. both in brooklyn and at randy and lizzy's wedding, which was so beautifully them. in the long run, my 23rd summer will not be memories of insomnia, migraines, tears, and the general uncertainty that i'm sure i will one day become pleasantly comfortable with. it will be memories of fireflies, wedding vows, hot nights balanced by cool magic hat #9's in bar back patios, good wine set to a mountain backdrop, meg's dancing, asher's laugh, music in prospect park, adorable children who i can never seem to get into bed, and the continuation of my lovely, ever-evolving relationship with words and how we all choose to connect to them.

i am back in the bay area on thursday (for good, kinda). i will be near my favorite family (my own, duh) and the land i love. and it's home for an indefinite period of time with no set plan in front of me. as you might guess from my angsty rant from above, all of these factors delight, excite, and terrify me.

at the very least, i'll hopefully be updating this more out of sheer boredom....or out of thrilling life changes to share?

no. no. it'll most likely be out of boredom.

love!

jkl

so an american, a russian, a dominican, and a haitian get stuck in an elevator...

2009-06-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

last week i had a scary subway moment:

three stops away from home the conductor tells everyone on the subway that there's been an "incident" and we need to change trains. fair enough. we calmly line up to exit onto the platforms and wait. As soon as we're all comfortably lined up against the platform, a huge swarm of police men, FBI, people in protective gear, and various men in black come rushing down the stairs of the station and into the subway we just hopped off of. i didn't freak, not at first at least. but then these guys start yelling at us to "get back." what does that mean? up against the wall? leave the station? well not leave the station because as soon as we started doing that they yelled at us. my heart's racing and i'm trying to stay calm, but there are definitely some crazies going crazy by now. it was just so confusing to not know what was going on.

eventually one of the policemen yelled for all his guys to come to one end of the station, away from where i was...myself and a few others took this as an opportunity to sneak out of the station at the nearest exit. there were police cars everywhere. "uhhh...can we get my fellow passengers out of there, too?" i ask a policeman nearby. scoff-it's under control-scoff. wtf?! i hailed a gypsy cab and got the hell out of there. i didn't realize my hands were shaking until i went to pay my driver.

luckily, i had so much going on the next few days that i was able to block it out. but today was a pretty slow day and i've found that my mind keeps wandering back to last week. hmmm.

and there's been nothing about it online. was this a normal incident? could it have just been a practice test? does this happen? do new yorkers not care about this stuff?

and of course this is somewhat petty. the metro crash in d.c. is so crazy and real. i have such a hard time hearing about it...yet i want to know. it's just scary.

in regards to my own personal subway incident, it's over and i'm safe. inconvenient things happen in the subway all the time and i'm going to go ahead and file this event with all the others that have made me late to various social engagements.

another inconvenient city incident is getting trapped in an elevator, which happened to me at my internship a few weeks ago. but this incident is different, because it turned out to be a really great one. there were 4 of us in there...a very multicultural mix, too. it was great! other than the russian girl who "twittered" on her crackberry until the elevator was fixed 45 minutes later, i got to learn a lot about my fellow trapped inmates. when the super finally helped us get out of that wretched elevator, i felt like i had learned a lot more than i had in awhile. it was a good day.

i hope you all are having an insightful, happy, and safe week.

love!

jkl

sabbabah

2009-06-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

shalom!

so we just finished our 14 days of birthright. it was, of course, great. the trip was not at all what i expected it to be, but it was a whole slew of many other wonderful things. more on that later when i have more than 5 min of internet time left.

sarah and our new friend ilana are now full swing into our next adventure. so far this has included a missed tram stop, a rapping 80 year old israeli, a man who (openly and proudly) peed 5 minutes into our overnight bus ride, and a camp out on the front steps of a hostel until it opened in the wee hours of the morn'. don't worry mom, we had some hardy guys with us to keep us safe.

as we hauled our bags into our hostel in eilat, a traveler-stranger-hipster-tragically boring -girl turned to me and said "well, this is an adventure. i'm gonna write about it in my blog, aren't you?" the audacity! i thought. how dare this hipster blogger claim me as a fellow...but yet, here i am. i just wanted to touch base and say "hey." so hey y'all!

love!
jkl

a really goode job!

2009-05-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

check out my goober-licious video application for murphy-goode's "wine lifestyle correspondent" position:

and now click HERE to add the video as one of your "favorites." much appreciated, kind sir/madame.

i know. i know. my awkwardness is in full effect here, ain't it? but i'm going to stand by it being awkward in that charming kind of way. yup. that's my deal and i'm sticking to it.

even though the video is super duper silly, i do think that i would be GREAT at his job. i have a PIONEER WOMAN-esque blog in mind. you know, like whoa! how did i end up in this crazy and FANTASTIC life that is so different than where i thought i'd end up?

and there'd be a tab on the blog for lots of things. like....

wine making adventures. a documentation of the beauty and patience it takes to actually produce delicious wine.
cooking with wine and meals that go well with specific murphy-goode wine
confessions of a wine lifestyle correspondent. this entails lots of snarky tales from poker nights to wine tastings that got wild to learning to get dirrrrty amongst the vines
photography of daily life on the vineyard that really makes readers feel like they're at the vineyard with me
daily learnings. what little details i'm learning everyday about how to serve, taste, and enjoy the world's loveliest beverage.
giveaways and contests!

oh it'd be awesome. don't you want to read it? i'd give every personality on the vineyard, including myself, some sort of sassy little nickname that people could identify them with. and of course there'd be a corresponding podcast, twitter account, facebook page, and flicker album all in connection with the blog. oh, too fun! too fun! now, go help a sister out and VOTE.

love!

jkl

p.s. i'm heading to israel with sarah on sunday. i'm acting a bit like a chicken with his head cut off right now as i shuffle, trying to tidy up my life before abandoning it for complete and utter FUN and LEARNING for the next three weeks. i will definitely try to update my blog while i'm gone (last summer's eurotrip blog entries are some of my favorite and most cherished).

p.p.s. i will also definitely miss all of you.

p.p.p.s. ya vote yet? http://www.areallygoodejob.com/video-view.aspx?vid=QAHf672T-L8

p.p.p.s. double love!!

i should get chinese food more often

2009-05-07T19:41:00.001-07:00

there's one chinese food place in my 'hood that always has especially poignant fortune cookies.

Writing is a craft.

not an art.

What do you think about this statement? I'm still grappling with it. It's well worth the grapple.

love!

jkl

p.s. in chinese, my favorite season is qui-tian.

college life?

2009-04-28T21:29:00.001-07:00

have y'all seen the new show COLLEGE LIFE on mtv?!

they gave four freshman, all at the UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-MADISON, their own video camera to record their first year of "college life."

there are three major (among many other) problems with the show:

1. only freaks want to be on reality shows. like we all say yeah that'd be cool whatever, BUT if you were actually given the opportunity....i doubt you would do it. by giving cameras to freaks, viewers are not getting a fair representation of the UW student body.

2. they should have given a camera to one freshman, one sophomore, one junior, and one senior. i get tingly at the thought of being able to see the evolution of a UW student over his or her years on campus through a tv show. cause, let's be honest, we were all like the kids on this "college life" show when we were 18. this is indeed to say that we were totally lame, petty, and having so much fun simply from the new thrill of it all. but it changes so quickly and beautifully....i wish that people could watch it.

3. the kids don't show off how beautiful madison is! where's the lake? the terrace? bascom hill? what is wrong with you chick-a-dees?!!

le sigh. of course i still watch this crap every week.

love!
jkl

To-Do List for April 27,2008

2009-04-27T20:59:00.001-07:00

the following was legitimately (i swear) the to-do list i posted next to my computer (just like every freakin' day). usually my days are more ambitious, but this morning i woke up and was just kind of like ehhh fuck it. it's too beautiful to not spend the whole day outside, freckle-ing.

b~~uy shampoo~~
r~~un park loop~~
l~~et yourself sunburn in the park~~
get a job
d~~rink on the roof~~

love!

jkl

lucky girl

2009-04-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

whenever friends or family come to town, it feels like i finally have an excuse to have fun. it's like a hall pass or something. good weather, good food, good friends, and good family in sight the last few days has done a great number on my soul. during multiple moments over the past few days, i'd stop myself to savor this lovely, full sense of contentment. and the longing for the feeling started even before it had ended, as the suitcases thudded down the stairs of my walk-up and as the hot day turned into a humid night. i'm just trying to figure out if the brief glimpse of contentment is to be taken as a tease or as a reminder. i'm frustrated at myself for thinking this way. it's an unfair and unhealthy thought process. when did i start analyzing things in absolutes? in terms of wheres, whens, and whats? defining life by past and future with no honoring to the present? this boiling down of situations and sentiments...this categorizing and over-thought...it's not right.

i'm a lucky girl. this is a constant i never doubt. it is one absolute i do not mind making. i feel it every day...and not as a reminder or as a tease or even as a promise. it's simply a statement. a fact. it's a fact that i often dwell on. it's a fact that both drives me crazy and keeps me sane.

what is a lucky girl? a lucky girl is a girl trying to figure out how to become a lucky woman.

what is a lucky woman? a lucky woman is a woman who creates her own luck. she is independent. she is strong. she is at peace with the world because she is at peace with herself and with her life, the life she has made. she seeks what she wants. and when she cannot find it, she creates it. she defines her own fluid and non-absolute definition of success, which allows her to always be successful. and finally, a lucky woman fosters the growth of lucky girls, lucky boys, and of a lucky world.

not all lucky women begin as lucky girls, of course. many lucky women must start from scratch. but not me, one of the lucky lucky girls. you see, i left out part of the definition of a lucky girl. a lucky girl is overwhelmingly supported and surrounded by the likes of lucky men, lucky women and (if she is a very lucky girl like me) other lucky girls and lucky boys who she may find her way along with.

being a lucky girl makes me feel silly, bratty, safe and incredibly, undeniably thankful.

i have written the word "lucky" so many times that it now looks like the word "loogie" to me.

i'm talking lucky-loco and of course none of this has come out quite as i wanted. but i'm forcing myself not to fret over it. somehow the contentment i gushed about earlier also equals three nights of staying up way, way, WAY past my bed time (think 5 a.m.). i took a nap as the hottest part of the day burned off and i woke up feeling fuzzy and confused. perhaps this is why i make no sense. but that doesn't explain for the rest of the time, i guess.

love!

jkl

sweet little can of whoop ass

2009-04-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

i hate myself for abandoning my blog for yet another few continuous weeks at a time. I feel like this cycle of abandonment and reclaiming may be some twisted act of self-loathing or abuse. meh. but only in some terribly teen-angsty way...and teen angst is so 5 years ago.

something that's so not teen angst-a-licious of me is that i've been opening a whole lot of cans of grown-ass-woman whoop ass lately. and when i say opening cans of whoop ass what i really mean is killing people with kindness until they give me what i want to have, do what i want them to do, or say what i want to hear. yup. it's working wonders, baby.

one can of whoop ass led to me having quite a long phone conversation with a very nice young man working as a UPS customer service rep in ashville, north carolina. i buttered him up right nice until he had my package delivered to me that very day. mmhmm. he even told me that his bff from high school is a park ranger for PROSPECT PARK. this, of course, has led to countless hours on the internet trying to figure out how to follow a similar path. i'm planning on opening cans of whoop ass at the park visitor's center this weekend until they hook a sistah up.

other cans of whoop ass have been opened at fedex, kinkos, various family members and friends, and many other unsuspecting establishments and victims. but again, cans of whoop ass does in fact mean being the most polite individual on the planet who simply does not stop being super sweet until one does what is wanted. mu ha ha.

kill 'em with kindness...isn't that a great idea for a blog? sarah and i have tossed around ideas for a joint, themed (not joint themed. thank goodness for grammar) blog to write together. KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS would be a blog where we would write glowing biographies of horrid people, places, and things.

somehow i feel like this idea should get filed with my joint brewery-winery idea that never gets met with much enthusiasm.

sometimes i think i'm some obscure reincarnation of belle's father, maurice. oh, boy.

love!

jkl

good week

2009-03-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

it's been a good week!

i'm quinoa qu-razy. when i eventually find my camera i will take photos of my creations.
i used my cat-like reflex to save myself from breaking a 3rd glass this week
i have TWO interviews this week. and hey, if i don't get them than that's coo...It's all just practice and i still have israel to look forward to
sarah and i got into birthright for may!
it's sarah's birthday whaaa whaaaaa
fun plans the weekend (buttons' coming out, 1st yelp elite event, birthday parties...oh my!)
my favorite kids to babysit for left me the CUTEST voicemail saying that they found my favorite earrings that i lost while pretending to be a monster...double awesome
saw HAIR on broadway. there were naked people
i have managed to stay away from nana's treats (the best hidden bakery in the world) for over a week.
i had a seriously good hair day
i keep stumbling upon great reads
i found $20 in my jean pockets

love!

jkl

gluttony II

2009-03-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

ugh. there's the yummiest lil' mexican joint in my hood. my dinner companions always somehow (too easily) coax me into splitting nachos and margaritas along with my meal.

gluttony. gluttony. gluttony.

i'm glad i was at least able to pawn off the cupcakes i made this weekend. i didn't even want cupcakes, but i felt the need to calm my nerves with baking after a small weekend fit of frustration...i really didn't need those cupcakes laying around the apartment...especially with my uncanny ability to re-christen cupcakes as "muffins" each morning just so i can justify them as a suitable breakfast.

i bought some cute hair accessories that i think (fingers crossed) match my bridesmaid dress perfectly for randy and lizzy's wedding. of course i found it on etsy. the seller was too cute. over our correspondence about shipping, i mentioned that the headband matched my dress. she then made matching bobby pins, which she put on hold in case i wanted them, too. under the product description, she wrote just for breadbutterandjam to perfectly match her bridesmaid dress! how cute is that? of course i then HAD to buy the bobby pins, too, after such thoughtful consideration.

i've also made two other etsy purchases this week. they are both presents, both the same thing (in different colors), and they are both something that i already own for myself. i sent them to people who i love a lot...i hope the present gives them as much calm as it has given me.

there are so many thoughts on my mind right now, but there are even more nachos in my stomach. i need to lay down. i can assure you there are more wahhh-waaaahhhh whiny ass posts to come soon...but always filled with the small taste of optimism (i hope!).

love!

jkl

gluttony

2009-03-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

i love my brown frye harness boots to the extreme. i fretted over getting them for so long. and when i did finally cave in, i somehow finagled a total steal on the boots.

now that my brown boots and i have been in the throws of our love affair for a few months, my mind has been starting to wander to his near relatives....

i'm totally out of control. the black pair is on sale at the boutique right next to my apartment building. every day the owner watches me drool on his window display, tolerating me only because he knows there's a 51.2% chance i'll break down and buy them.

but maybe i should save my pennies and hold out for the burnt red ones...or the lovely olive tone that makes me swoon. or maybe i should cool it and buy other shoes that don't make me look like i'm preparing for the oregon trail. but you have to admit that they're pretty awesome. i love how they even look good with lady like dresses....

like i said, i'm totally out of control.

love!

jkl

the in the elite squad is kind of like the ghostbusters

2009-03-03T20:32:00.001-08:00

the past few days have been lovely.

i should've written about my parents visit to nyc, which was really comforting and needed, but i will just trust that you and i both know how wonderful (and calmingly typical) having one's parents in town can be.

this past weekend was filled with visits with friends i so rarely get to see. i had 3 full days of treat after treat of reconnecting with long lost comrades. my bulungula mate, emma, came to town. her friend took us to the AMAZING bar sycamore. the bar doubles as a flower shop. the place will charm your pants off. all of us fell in love with the neighborhood it was in (ditmas of brooklyn)...rows and rows of easter colored victorian homes. ugh. too cute.

the weekend also had a lazy brunch, a birthday party composed of a hilarious mix of badgers and guidos (who would've thunk it?), and a gallery opening of barbie polaroids.

monday greeted us with 12 inches of snow, which justified a snow day and a reason to keep madi locked up in our apartment for the day. i baked sinful pumpkin cupcakes and thought about stealing adorable babies sledding in the park. it was a nice day that turned uber silly...i met up with rachel and victoria, who was in town visiting her boi toi, and we got freaky-deaky on the karaoke. amazing. sometimes it's good to go crazy when you have work in the morning. it reminds me that ya...i'm that cool.

tuesday was just as nice. i had an incredibly good hair day (no really, i did) AND i just found out that yelp has inducted me into the "'09 elite yelp squad," which i'm super excited about. basically, the elite squad gets invited to events all over the city with free booze and food. total fun factor here, right? something i've come to appreciate about yelp is that it's not just about the reviews. it's about the records. i love going back to my list of reviews and seeing where all the great memories have been made. it's like a journal that i didn't even know i was keeping.

tomorrow-glassblowing! hoorah!

love!

jkl

hello lovahhhh

2009-02-19T20:41:00.000-08:00

SPOILER: best celebrity siting EVER!

i had to take a different subway from work today (i was on a super secret mission) that left out of union square.

union square at rush hour makes me want to cry. there have been instances when union square at rush hour has indeed, quite literally, made me openly weep.

upon my entrance onto the subway platform, a homeless man yelled "had enough?!!?" into my ear with hot breath. he was already gone, yelling into some other poor girl's ear, before i could turn around and say, "yes, sir, i have had enough." B

UT the story does not end there...oh no no my dear child...

after establishing that i had had enough, i whipped out my current read little bee, which was recommended to me by annie (whose taste in books is always superb). the book is an enormous hardcover with a bright orange spine. so i guess it isn't so funny that i felt that inexplicable, but totally well-known feeling of knowing a stranger is hovering over you, trying to figure out what the hell you're reading. well, i felt that feeling. This then, of course, led me to cock my head to the side and meet the culprit.

so, who was this nasty culprit?!...none other than SARAH JESSICA PARKER. i gasped a little when i saw her, which made her give me this big funny smile that said ohh you caught me doing the weird hovering thing. to which i gave her back an even bigger and funnier smile that said wow. you're really fucking famous. i want to be you.

and then i got timid and couldn't find my voice. oh how i wanted to tell SJP that i love my crazy wavy hair in part to her crazy locks. i wanted to say that i found the "hoof" boots she wore this week, the ones that all the fashion blogs hated, to be actually

quite fetching and practical. i wanted to tell her that i fancy myself a mix between miranda and carrie. i wanted to tell her that out of all of the whacked out celebrity perfumes, i thought hers was the least horrible (i'm not gonna lie to her and tell her i liked it, though). oh, all the things i wanted to tell her but was absolutely positive that she didn't want to hear.

ahem. please check out the ever so normal, subway mama, sarah jessica parker, and her cool hoof boots:

i got an eye-lock, a smile, and our coat sleeves rustling against each other while waiting for the N/R train. a girl can't ask for much more than that from SJP.

love!

jkl

happy valentines day!

2009-02-14T10:46:00.001-08:00

being in love is for suckers...but being a little bit in love is super sweet.

a little bit of love!
jkl

2009-02-12T22:13:00.000-08:00

mandy moore and ryan adams are so totally engaged.

i know that a lot of people hate mandy moore and i guess i can respect that. but i'm just gonna put something out there: i think she's great! she always has a good hair color, her ta-tas are never out like some hoochie mama, and the movie because i said so is a delicious guilty pleasure of mine. and on top of all that, she kinda seems like a genuinely nice person.

...and ryan adams. well, if i could step in and marry him instead of good ol' mandy then i would in a heart beat. ryan adams and i have been seriously involved since i was 16 years old. he's one of my favorite story tellers and i hope his marriage makes him even more prolific (if that's even possible).

mazel tov you crazy kids!

love!

doing the best at this moment...

2009-02-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

a few of the major book publishing houses staged some major lay-offs today. among the laid off editors were a few individuals that I have met before and respect immensely. watching the agents react, mourn, and scramble clumsily around with the bad news made me realize, to a greater extent, how interconnected the industry is and how this time affects everyone.

i should also probably quit my complaining about the suckiness of this year (though i can promise you now that i won't). in some ways, my generation is lucky to be living through this economic downturn during the on-set of what is (or should have been) our career trajectory. sure, there is much dismay to feeling as though every door of opportunity is shut to us, especially after a lifetime of being coddled by our families and teachers. but at least we're not yet 15 years into the mortgages, grad sch0ol loans, insurances, sleep-away camp deposits for our kids, and all the other debts that will undoubtedly plague us in the future. can you imagine being laid off with all that on your plate? terrifying. regardless of economic turmoil, i'd be pretty messed up this year with our without a steady job. at least this way the world is messed up with me.

i actually really enjoy the work i'm doing as an intern at the literary agency. i can envision myself evolving into a good agent. but i don't know if the opportunities for that will present themselves until the economy is better, which may take multiple years before being able to even take just that first step. and to be honest, reading manuscripts all day has made me so jealous and antsy to be a full-time writer myself. but i know that my style will not produce any blockbusters...and we live in a world where only blockbusters can make it right now. and i need to come to terms with that. so either way i'll most likely not be hired. it's a bummer, but i'll all be okay.

i found a forgotten fortune cookie in a messy kitchen drawer tonight. don't worry, it was still in its wrapper. here's my fortune:

"doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment."

i found the fortune oddly comforting. i can continue to have temper tantrums over not getting the dream job, the dream apartment, the dream whatever...or i can cool it. i know that we all are doing our best right now, even when the world isn't doing its best for us. and we should be proud of ourselves for that. and when the time comes, we'll be ready to open the doors that are locked right now.

love!

jkl

spring awakening

2009-02-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

i can't believe one week ago i was posting up pictures of dead trees weighed down my hefty amounts of snow. the last two days have been crisp and SUNNY. like sunglasses sunny.

it's such a funny thing when the first days of spring shyly tip toe out of the woodworks. the world jumps and plays at the signs of melting and sunlight, even though the ground is still a mucky mud and the icicles are sill clinging to the storefront overhangs. and with the happiness of the first few days of warmness, there is also the realization that you have not been yourself for the last three or so months. you have been hibernating, not only physically, but emotionally.

the last two days have felt like an awakening. no, it's not like all of a sudden all is right in the world and i'm as happy as can be. however, i do somehow find the time for the things i said i was too busy to do during the colder, darker days.

i'm compelled to call friends for coffee and stroll around the park saying nothing but "i can't get over this weather." i'm compelled to go running AND to the gym afterward. I'm compelled to meander the streets with no real purpose, to actually write, to call back, and to finally sign the petition that the poor fool on the street corner is blabbing on about...i'm compelled to do it all. and this chronic state of compulsion is something i haven't felt in awhile...i'm enjoying it.

love!

jkl

snow! snow! snow!

2009-02-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

this is the view from my bedroom window.

i had to make a video of the window because my camera is playing hide & seek with me at the moment. i'm sure i'll find it in some random box by the tv, the refrigerator, or any of the other spots that my keys always seem to end up in, too!

at first i was disheartened to wake up to snow, especially because of the lovely tease of spring yesterday with a whopping 50 degree high. but the snow of today is too beautiful to stay mad at it.

i was feeling better last night, but woke up to some late night nausea that has lasted well into today. a few hours ago i started to feel what i remember to be "normal" and i'm very excited about that. the most annoying part of this bug (or maybe multiple bugs) is the sneezing. my sneeze count is easily in the millions. and remember how i told you i tore a butt muscle in kickboxing like a MONTH ago? yeah...my left butt cheek is still all out of wack. so every time i sneeze, it vibrates all through my body, ending with a sharp pain in my left butt cheek! too much information? yeah. i'm sorry. as funny and annoying as the sneeze-butt dilemma is, it's cool to get a chronic reminder that my whole body is connected at one unified functioning organism. crazy, man.

so i did my duties in bed today for the literary agency i'm interning at (inbetween runs to the bathroom for this cold turned stomach bug?). i've been feeling really yucky, but maybe the snow ended up being good medicine. fat snowflakes weighing down skeleton trees are the stuff magnificent daydreams are made of. it should be a beaut' to trudge through tomorrow when i must actually return to the real world. icky.

how i long for spring. how i know i will miss looking at my window to days like today.

love!

jkl

new look

2009-02-02T14:19:00.000-08:00

i've been getting a little tired of the pumpkin color scheme here.

i played around for awhile on the layout and this is what i came up with in the end, but i'm definitely not in love with it.

what do you think? got any ideas for me?

happy monday!

love!

jkl

with a finger and a thumb in the shape of a "L" on her forehead

2009-01-31T19:48:00.000-08:00

exactly 24 seconds after posting my last blog entry, i realized that frantically writing to you at 10 p.m. on a saturday night probably blows my cover as nyc's it socialite. i am not ashamed of this truth.

despite the fact that i would probably not be out on a saturday night anyways, i did have a legitimate excuse last night. i got my first (and hopefully only) cold of the season this week. at my internship, all the agents had nasty colds. i'm sure the place was covered with a thin layer of sneeze goo that i was just lapping up until it hit me, too. my sneeze count from over the last few days is definitely in the thousands.

i felt the cold coming on fast, but i was too excited to meet jim (eric's best man in his and laur's wedding) and meg for happy hour on friday. somehow happy hour turned into more drinks with dinner, which later turned into this crazy bar in midtown that had a magical number of beers on tap. and i know i shouldn't have been drinking, but the sangria at dinner had MANGOS in it (did you hear me!? MANGOS!) and the magical beer hall had dogfish head beer on tap...

here's the deal for why i had to try the dogfish head brew:

the new yorker did an article on craft beers back in november. it was fabulous. you can read the article HERE. in the article, dogfish head's passion totally won me over and i've been dying to try it ever since, but without the tenacity to seek it out. and then on friday night it was just there for me...ready to be drunk up. it was good and dark and a little spicy. i got one of their typical brews, but dogfish head has a whole slew of crazy brews. they even tried to recreate king midas' brew from the evidence of drinking vessels found in his tomb. how cool is that?!

i left my friends and the bar a little buzzed and with a runny nose and no voice. i then woke up saturday morning feeling totally broken.

my saturday was somewhat pathetic, which also made it somewhat splendid. i never mustered up the stamina to even put on a bra, but i was completely determined to watch the complete first and second seasons of 30Rock in bed. gosh that's a good show. sometimes i feel like liz lemon because i wear glasses and i am awkward. unfortunately, i'm not successful and i can't eat 5 donuts in one day like she can.

i only left the apartment twice. i first left for a giant fountain soda diet coke from the pizza place on the corner. later i trekked down to starbucks to get my favorite tazo tea that i rarely get because i know, in my heart of hearts, that it should really be called "tea for tools." but sickness is on the list of special, tool tea time, occasions. then the weirdo cashier guy at starbucks asked for my phone number. i found this highly inappropriate partly because i caught a glimpse of a gold tooth, but mostly because i looked like a hobo (especially as i dug up change from my pockets in order to pay for my tool teal).

i then came back to my apartment. i cleaned up the tissues around my bed. i pondered if soy nuggets and egg rolls would pair well together for a good dinner. i decided against it. i then proceeded to eat a mint, thought it tasted funny, and then ate 8 more of them to be certain (they were indeed funky). i gave up on dinner, but i did buy the songs do something by britney spears, crazy bitch by buckcherry, and other guilty pleasure songs that make me want to clean my room (don't ask. rituals are sacred). i'm not proud of these decisions, but i wouldn't say i regret them either. after all this, i wrote the incriminating blog post. i then promptly passed out before 11 p.m. even hit.

today, i'm feeling better. who knows? i might even be productive.

okay, i think that's enough self-deprecation for now.

go football or something? yay bruce springsteen?

go wash your hands. it's a germ eat germ world out there.

love!

jkl

yelp me

2009-01-31T19:26:00.000-08:00

it's been too long! i'm going to restrain myself from writing some monster post detailing the last few weeks of my life to you. i guess you can just call me. however, i am going to get MUCH better at updating this thing. i'd love to actually have people read it...and i think updating it more often may help in this quest.

YELP. i'm all about it. back in the fall i started writing reviews on the site. i found that i really got a high from posting stuff. i even got voted brooklyn's "top yelper of the week" in november. after finishing my hiatus/laziness/bitterness that yelp didn't realize me as a totally incapable, but adorable asset to their team, i have recently begun "yelping" again.

i have to say that half the appeal of writing reviews on yelp is that it's a total self-esteem booster. weirdos message me, saying that i inspired them to try thai food. total randoms click a button to attest that my writing qualifies me as "cool" and "useful"..however, i will say that only ONE person has come to appreciate me as "funny." whatever. people just don't get my comedic timing.

i even have one quasi admirer who sends frequent glowing messages about my reviews. yes i know that's creepy. and yes, i take it when a grain of salt. but that's mostly because salt makes everything taste bettah.

check out my yelp reviews HERE (click me!). feel free to knock me off my high horse and write something mean about me on a message board or some other form of the online community that is equally lame. but please remember that yelp is one of the few things going right for me right now. i'm kidding, kind of.

love!

jkl

10 things i want you to know

2009-01-12T20:54:00.001-08:00

1. i had the best 1st saturday back in new york:

stace, laur, and eric came in for a weekend of debauchery. after a sweet dinner at meg's place, we headed to two insanely fun bars. they were totally our vibe. we took pictures in cramped photo booths (to be posted later?), were goofballs to strangers, and maybe rescued a christmas tree from a dusty storage room where holiday cheer is sent to die after the 1st of the year.

2. i had a great sunday, too:

the girls and i went for a bagel run before settling back into meg's apartment, where we talked the day away. it's nice to know how easily we can slip back into the comfort of each other and our routines:

sunday rituals

on a bed of fresh memories

laughter contagious

3. within a 24 hour time period i consumed a disgusting amount of food:

meg's homemade risotto, a magnolia cupcake, wine, some more alcohol which i don't care to mention in fear of your judgment, pomme frites (best french fries on this side of the mississippi) at 3 a.m, a russ & daughters bagel with scallion cream cheese to help ease into the morning, 1/4 a loaf of chocolate babka (it tastes better when split among friends).

4. ...thank goodness i got a gym membership:

i'm loving it, BUT of course there's already been a self-inflicted injury. i went to a kick-boxing class thinking it'd be the girly kind...you know where you call it kickboxing, even though it's really more like a dance routine with dainty punches? NOT SO. i was the only girl in the class. all the men are in the street fighter video game. it was a great workout. my right butt cheek did not know pain until 7 days ago. i'm sticking to the girly zumba classes from now on.

5. i signed up for a glass blowing class:

i start in 2 weeks. it's a 2 month, weekly course. boohakasha

6. i started a new internship:

gotham ghostwriters was an experience i am grateful for, but i'm so happy to now be a 3-day-a-week intern at a literary agency. i get to sip fancy tea, read queries, and take notes on manuscripts all day. it's lovely.

7. i miss bleak house:

so so much.

8. a new wine bar is opening on my street soon:

i would like to work at it. so i have been stalking around its partner wine shop, leaving my resume with anyone who makes eye contact with me. as much as i love babysitting, i'm hopeful for a new adventure where i can learn a skill set and be around interesting adults. wine seems like a good fit for that.

9. so i've been studying wine:

"mark oldman's guide to outsmarting wine" is fantastic. i've had fun taking notes and making flash cards on wine. it makes me feel like i'm in school again. now i'm just a student of the world!

10. it is late and i should go to bed:

i've had trouble sleeping at night lately, but i have fun day dreaming in bed until the real dreams come.

love!

jkl

2009...yikes!

2009-01-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

happy new years!

i am quick to exclaim new years as my least favorite holiday. i just don't get the hyped expectations. there also seems to be a lack of both traditions and cabs on new years eve, which is way uncool. but somehow, despite my cool feelings to the last day of the year, i always manage to have a lovely december 31st anyways. this year was no exception. i've come to associate new years with my high school lovelies. i'm so glad that the majority of us were in the bay area together last night (though, we desperately missed the few absentees!). we brought in the new year with total silliness.

last year i had a whopping number of new year's resolutions. that's too bad considering that i honestly don't remember a single one of them. ba ha ha. this year i'm taking a simpler approach.

two resolutions: one for the body. one for the soul.

1. drink at least one liter of water per day.

2. write for at least one hour every day.

they are simple. they are personal. they are finite, clear-set, attainable goals. feel free to hound me about staying true to them, okay?

january 1st 2009 has been pretty cozy. sarah and i cleaned up the mess of the past night...more like i watched sarah clean up my mess. yeaaahh. the rest of the day has been watching football and old movies, reading good books, and recipe hunting. all in my pajamas no less. hopefully my bum-dom of today will not carry-out into the rest of the year. i like to think of it as starting out the new year in relaxation and savoring the lingering remnants of holiday cheer. you do that, too, a'ight?

love!

jkl

every gal needs the perfect little black...headband

2008-12-17T08:43:00.000-08:00

i got a bridesmaid dress for lizzy and randy's wedding! i found it (surprise surprise) at the bcbg outlet. that dang bcbg outlet is my savior. every favorite dress of mine from the past 3 years has come outta there. and what a steal! a long gown for under 100 bucks? yes please!

i adore the bridesmaid dress i got. it is funky, wild, AND classy. that's a combo that's hard to pass up. now that my quest for the dress is over, i'm left to make-up other unnecessary online searches to gobble up my time. this week's frivolous search is for a black headband that is as funky, wild, and classy as the bridesmaid dress i intend to pair with it. the dress is a chiffon material with black bunch-y flowers (i guess they're flowers?). here are my favorite from the world wide web picks for a matching headband:

which one do you like the best?! help me keep the fire burning to my current obsession.

love!

jkl

free encouragement

2008-12-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

i stumbled upon this archived project from www.booooooom.com. it's simple and lovely...like a deconstructed brian andreas print.

anyways, here are my favorites out of the 100s i made my way through. they are my favorite because they immediately rang true for people i know. a few i loved because i took them as advice for myself. and one is not applicable to any person or anything in my life right now, but one day i'm sure it may be : )

can you guess which ones are about YOU?

you are right. the one you think is about you is totally about you.

love!

jkl

“I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live.”-BMP

2008-12-12T17:42:00.000-08:00

bettie page passed away last night. she was 85 years old. it's no secret that bettie page is a kind of symbol in my life, which i won't go into really because i've already talked about it on this blog a few times before.

this picture kind of sums up the sentiment that i think bettie page exemplifies, though. you see, she had a very complicated life, but she always managed to live it out simply. she did odd things in a normal way. i love that.
after she left modeling, bettie page was rarely ever photographed. she said she didn't want to wreck people's image of her. there is one known picture of her in her later years (below). it's at a playboy party, celebrating some of the classic re-released photos of her, on her 80th birthday. i don't know why she became so camera shy. she was really beautiful in her later years...and rockin' the plaid, too.
i hope you continue to find her as inspiring as i do.

love!

jkl

(no) fear and (no) loathing in las vegas

2008-12-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

it has been way too long, my friends....annnnnnnd i need to stop saying "my friends" because john mccain totally ruined the novelty of it. bah humbug.

the past few weeks have been busy bee for me (alliteration and rhyme). i was in california the last two weeks, which was interesting in oh so many ways.

when i booked my flight home for thanksgiving (and another 2 week stint starting on the 21st), i was in a state of full-blown disarray. in that state, booking the long trips home felt like a band-aid i could use...even though i knew i'd eventually have to rip that band-aid off. and i knew it would be painful. it would sting. but still...i needed a band-aid...so, i slapped that sucker onto my wounds.

in some ways, being at home really grounded me. but in a lot other ways, it just jumbled everything up in my head even more. seriously. my brain must look like scrambled eggs. as always, being near the mountains and my home girls proved to be good medicine. mountains and home girls are constants in my life. things for which i will always have confidence.

while at home there were other things i had been missing that i got to see, too...or maybe that i didn't see. and these other thing were actually a bit disappointing. and that's good. i think that sometimes the human heart (or maybe just my heart) creates tugs of longing toward concrete entities in order to make a false sense of its intangible heartache for something it does not yet know, grasp, decipher, or have hope of ever having. does that make sense? home is a funny thing.

so the plan had been to go to l.a. the week after thanksgiving and split my time kind of couch-hopping around. but....ummmm....brian, kim, and i somehow ended up in a little place called vegas.

so random. so wonderful.

the three of us are, in some ways, all in similar place in our lives. and that place is called lost. so, for just a few days, we bounced out of lost and into the las vegas strip.

i bought us tickets to the beatles love show as a very belated wedding gift. brian and kim won a lot of money. i lost a little of my own...and of brian's...and of kim's...woops. we ate a lot of fried food, which i some-what regret. we had some much needed talks and i felt a great comfort in not only our conversations, but in my family.

now, in hindsight, i am seeing how our vegas trip was actually so important to my well being. that trip is already fermenting itself in my memories as an emblem of this time in our lives. and that emblem...that tiny, jeweled, memory of vegas will be a pleasant one. a silly one. it will be a reminder to take a step back. and as hard on myself as i am now, one day i won't tell my kids that my brains were scrambled eggs. instead, i'll just tell them about the time uncle bri, aunt kim, and their mom became sane in the most insane city on earth, during (what we thought was, but wasn't really) the most insane time in our lives. i take great comfort in this, too.

after vegas, i got to see sarah, which was awesome. her home is so her. and i say that because both are magical. her place is like a real cozy, curl-up-by-the-fire, read-all-day-in-bed, cook-a-big-ol'-dinner, break-bread-with-friends kind of place. i say these specific activities because they are exactly what we did. sarah is such a rock in my life. it makes me feel good to know she's in a home that is as great as she is.

and being in sarah's cozy house with her silly l.a. friends made me miss my cozy apartment with my silly nyc friends. while in california, i was constantly reminded why i am so homesick for the bay area all too often. but, at the same time, being at home made me realize that i actually have been making quite a good home for myself in nyc, too. of course i didn't recognize this until i felt the heart pangs for my brooklyn life only once away from it. tough decisions will have to be made in the coming months about where my home will be next year. oh...so not thinking about this right now. scrambled the eggs that are my brain a little more, won't you please?

ridiculously long post. i know. i apologize. oh who cares? no one is reading at this point anyways. i'm not even reading. this is just me stomping any ol' letter on the keyboard without looking. kdjflkjrwkljedf.

i love you all. i hope you know that.

love!

jkl

smells like teen spirit

2008-11-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

i know it's trendy and i'm just being influenced by the masses and blah blah blah i'm a robot, BUT i really have been jonesin' for some new flannel. i have 3 really great old red ones (red is like black for me) from over the years, including my "lumberjackie" flannel that is in my top 10 fave pieces of clothing.

the problem is that i don't want just any flannel. i want these flannels:

they're from uniqlo and levis. both have these flannels up on the mannequins of their stores, but not anywhere on the floor. when i asked the salespeople, they said they were sold out and that i couldn't have the one on the mannequin. total boo on them. but seriously, who knew flannel could be so cute and so not kurt cobain-ish (not that being kurt cobain-ish is a bad thing)?

besides the flannel dilemma, i feel compelled to tell you that i had some amazingly good times the past couple nights. these good times included button's birthday on thursday, which was celebrated well at grape and grain. we had the best time. it's so hard to get together with all the madison ladies at once, but it's so good when we actually do. i forgot who said it, but one of the girls said "this is what i thought new york was going to be like when i moved here." it's a sad and heart-warming and hopeful thing to say and full of our old "teen spirit." it was special because at that moment we were actually living what we had all hoped for. so maybe thursday night will become our truth or maybe it won't. and maybe it will at least become more of our truth or maybe not...and all of this is good, i think. none of that made sense. regardless, it was a lovely night.

okay, leave me some flannel love (and suggestions)!!

love!

jkl

Cardinology

2008-11-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

it's no secret that ryan adams is one of my absolute favorite artists. and i use the word artist in the broadest sense of the word. sometimes i fear the dwindling art of storytelling, but ryan adams always re-instills my faith in its existence and evolution. his newest album with the cardinals is no exception. i feel like every time ryan adams puts out a new album that the first listen is a little scary. it's scary because the whole thing...the lyrics, the music, the vibe...it all matches (too closely) the current shade of my heart. and that's the magic of ryan adams. how other peoples stories are, in fact, just like our own.

below are some of my favorite verses from his latest album (this is very 2002 livejournal of me, no?!) i didn't include these specific verses because they are particularly relatable to me or any current moods...i chose them simply for their beautiful storytelling and for the eloquence of the words themselves. here goes:

instead of praying i tell god these jokes he must

be tired of himself so much he must be more

than disappointed christmas comes we eat alone

a pretty smile surrounds a pretty girl who

takes your order she yells it and cries alone in

the backroom once in a while until it stops

so let her down if you must

but let her down easy

some of us are strong

but the rest of us are weak

-let us down easy

take a picture of your life for a second now,

freeze it, look at the screen

what parts of you were daydreams,

illusions, and other things

these things they pass in time but the moments

are real and it's hard sometimes

keep the faith, keep moving in time to the music

rolling in your mind,

and when you stay home tonight

it can become your home

-natural ghost

it might be easy to judge all that kindness

if you had grown accustomed

to a darkness in a life

but certainly any room

with a view of other windows

must certainly have doors that you can use

so you can be happy

for the first time in your life

hey man it's your destiny,

you can stop this anytime

and maybe, you'll find someone

to lay some roots down next to you

be more like the trees and less like the clouds

stop moving around (so much)

-evergreen

ALSO ryan adams wrote a book through a park slope publisher. it's coming out in a few months, which means there may be little ends and pieces to be tidied up. soooo, i'm hoping to see him sneaking around the neighborhood. wouldn't that be grand?

love!

jkl

"sometimes it's good to have a change"

2008-11-08T09:56:00.000-08:00

it has been an interesting week, no? i wish i had blogged right after the election because the sense of awe and pride and happiness was oozing right out of my skin. watching obama's 1st speech as president-elect, i couldn't help but think that this is going to be one of the moments that define my generation...and my life. it's the kind of moment that our kids will ask us what we were doing when we found out. how exciting is that? i am even more excited for what is to come in these next few years with our new leader.

yesterday, a tiny old black lady shuffled ahead of a young man and i to open the door for us. we both thanked her too much and insisted that she didn't need to do that and that we wished we had done the same for her. she just smiled (it was more of slap-happy grin) and said "sometimes it's good to have change." the metaphor didn't really make sense, but the sentiment did. and i appreciated it. i would go on, but it seems like even jon stewart is beginning to move on in his reports. thus, i will too.

though the obama news should be more than enough to keep me optimistic, grounded, and happy...i have to say that i've felt really lost lately. i feel like this week is the first time that i have begun to confront this looming feeling that has been stuck in my throat for a good while now. the mix of optimism for my country and uncertainty in my own personal path has made this a very funny week. i want to feel good lost because that is how it should be when you're 22 and fresh and you have the time. in some ways, i wanted this lost-ness. at the very least, i certainly expected it. but it is a bit scary and a bit lonesome. however, i know in hindsight that i will see that this time was a bit exciting, too. the important thing, i suppose, is to keep faith in everything...including myself.

i just finished my first week at as a (paid!) intern at gotham ghostwriters. check it out at www.gothamghostwriters.com. it's such an interesting start-up to be a part of, even if only in a small way. it's a new adventure that i am grateful for in the curiosity and good lessons it will surely instill in me.

have a great saturday. i wish we were all escaping the rain together in the cozy apartment right now. it's a calm weekend. last night was a falafel run with meg before heading home to read in bed. tonight i'm babysitting the oh-so cute henry and sophie. they are incredibly fun kids and i have no qualms forfeiting my rainy saturday night to them.

love!

jkl

head full of tricks and treats

2008-10-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

i've been wanting to post up some pictures of prospect park since i moved here. i could not be more thankful for the park. its energy is constantly changing depending on the time of day, the day it is, the season, and who happens to be enjoying it at any given moment. for instance, during the halloween fair, the "death by scooter brigade," composed of cackling hyenas...I mean 6 year olds...made the park a bit on edge. But nannies with babies and writers with laptops, a mere few hours earlier, turned the park into a sleep-like, lullaby-ish state.

i go "running" in the park everyday ( "running" is in quotations because i probably look more like i'm having a seizure than anything else). the autumn weather has been getting far too beautiful not too share it with you. i brought my camera along on my "run" yesterday...there was kind of a sense of urgency to take these pictures because there was recently a big storm that knocked so much of the foliage about. also, it was raining during this specific run, so i kinda wanted to get the hell outta there (which is so rare a feeling). anyways, here's just a small glimpse of the park:

i pass this after school art class on my way to the park every day. cutest name ever, right? one night i saw them having a "gallery opening" with apple juice in fancy plastic cups and star-shaped p.b. & j sandwiches.

...and there was obviously much to celebrate at the opening...look at this fantastic art!

the lake. this picture doesn't do it any justice. also, sometimes the ducks smell.

glorious.

crunch. crunch. crunch.

this is my favorite tree in the whole park.

looking up at my favorite tree...

...my favorite tree looking down at me (please excuse my gross look)

you know i have a thing for roots.

lots of little paths to wander and get lost in.

hope you like it!

now for a very merry birthday to ms. stomper! she does not have a halloween head, but she does have a cupcake heart...and that is why we are friends. i imagine her new home of portland takes halloween very seriously since it's a town known for the wee ones and craft savvy. i hope your teeth rot tonight, stomp!...but not really...you know what i mean.

i have low expectations for halloween in nyc, though i am very excited because i get to see the newly betrothed lauren and eric. i am going to be a jailbird tonight (only because i couldn't find the perfect green blazer to be daria), so maybe i will steal the pretty little thing on laur's finger? muahaha. my brooklyn hairdresser said he saw someone get shot on halloween last year...he was pretty excited about it...i'm not going out with him tonight.

love!

jkl

squash this way

2008-10-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

madi and i held our 1st official party this past weekend. i must say, it was kind of a rager!

our incredibly witty facebook invite only attracted a small number of rsvp-ers. so, we were expecting a cozy and intimate gathering. regardless, i still forced madi (and her boyfriend jake) into baking a ridiculous amount of ghoulish treats. well, it was a good thing we did because our apartment was a-hoppin' that night!

meg was our 1st guest because she is such an avid madi and jackie supporter...and that of smiling pizza, too.

my favorite homemade caramel apple and red velvet cupcake of each batch.

SEE!? it WAS a RAGER! and this was only one little corner of the room!

ninyo showcasing her crazy carving skills...she did a bad-ass obama pumpkin the next night.

this party was just what madi and i had initially wanted it to be. it was a good size, but most people there only knew one or two of the other guests. so, everyone was super friendly and meeting new people. most of us are new transplants to the nyc area. as the party dwindled down to a smaller group as the night moved into the wee-hours, we talked about how hard it is to meet new people in nyc. but cupcakes with hot cider in a cozy apartment filled with interesting people on a windy saturday night makes the burden a little bit easier.

and now madi is off doing outward bound for the week with her students. i'm a bit jealous and a bit lonely, but my week has started out nicely enough. plus, i'm lulled by the sound of the rain mixed with the sound of our heaters bubbling into work-mode. it's really lovely.

speaking of sounds, it seems that this blog is starting to show some usefulness! my plea for a david berkeley concert buddy was happily received. madi and meg are now coming, too! sure. sure. i know these are the two people i see and cajole the most, but the invitation is still wide open for you too, my sweet sugar dumpling. it's going to be so much fun.

love!

jkl

strange light

2008-10-22T14:15:00.001-07:00

david berkeley is such an underrated artist. i don't think there's anyone else out there like him, which is a shame and a treasure of a fact.

sooooo, good ol' david is coming to nyc on november 20th. other than brian, i don't really know anyone who listens to him. check out this video, like it, call me, and come to the show with me. we'll have the coziest evening together ever.

love!
jkl

p.s. i just posted about beck's new album below, too. i would've put the 2 videos in the same entry, but of course i'm not computer literate enough to do something like that. anyways, check it out, my brotha/ my sistah.

modern guilt

2008-10-22T14:06:00.001-07:00

i know it came out months ago, but i want to talk about the newest beck album NOW.

i hadn't given it an honest listen until last night, which is kind of ludicrous considering how much beck i listen to on a daily basis...i just love him and his sassy grooves.

i have to say, modern guilt is great. it's definitely a top 3 beck album for me. i think, in some respects, the album is complicated (or maybe conflicted?)...and i think that is exactly the point.

anyways, check it out if you haven't gotten a chance to yet.

love!
jkl

blue door whore

2008-10-11T11:32:00.001-07:00

say hello to 471 7th avenue!

(note: you can click on any of these pics to make them BIGGER. super size please!)

sometimes things really are in black & white.

like my hallway.

map friendly living room. note lizzy & randy's adorable milk carton vase with lucky bamboo.

charmingly small kitchen that we thought was a match start oven/stove for our 1st month here. woops!

now that i get how to use our itsy-bitsy kitchen, i have taken to making treats like these cafe latte cupcakes with cappuccino frosting (and madi's fairy dust).

be warned...i will try to pawn these goods off on lucky YOU.

then you'll be in a sugar coma and need to take a nap in my room, which is fine by me.

but hands off my pretty clothes!

aren't these dress form decals cute? i got them off of etsy and love them to the extreme.

the little bearded men on the right are my boyfriends.

this is where i spend a lot of my time. a good little nook for job hunting, writing, and playing tetris/blocky.

my favorite jewelry gets a special dish for when i need to take it off while writing/typing.

"flower" (on the right) likes to dutifully watch me work. what a sweet thing.

and the squirrel girl serves as a mirror image...into my soul.

badger love.

i know this is a tad weird, but bettie page has become this really great symbol of an idea or philosophy of life to me. this picture is a reminder to never take yourself too seriously, to smile big, and to embrace positivity...you still think i'm weird don't you? that's okay.

another great print i found on etsy. it makes my heart hurt.

view from our roof. yup that little speck is indeed great lady liberty.

turn your head to the right and you can take in some concrete jungle.

take a glass of wine up here at sunset and soak up the fading day.

i hope you like my apartment! it's been a trying week, but my cozy home has been a good place to deal with the mess of life we all seem to be in. i am very lucky and thankful for that.

i'll take some pics of prospect park to share with you soon, too. the park is an addiction. i am always missing it. and when i'm there, the thrill of the changing leaves fills me with a calm that i can't even fully comprehend.

what else? last night meg, anna, and i had some much needed fun. and even better, the fun was had in BROOKLYN. we had a great dinner and tried out a whopping three new bars. one of them was having a rockabilly prom. we were obviously in heaven with the music, clothes,du-wop punch, people watching, and eavesdropping there. and now i am back inside the snuggle-y apartment, trying to scheme up some sort halloween-y and autumn harvest party. nerd alert.

love!

jkl

on wisconsin

2008-10-06T15:00:00.001-07:00

of course my favorite character on MADMEN, harry crane, is a university of wisconsin graduate. in the last episode i watched (glorious, glorious netflix), he slyly mentions his newspaper days, taking pics of girls by the lake. just look at him...of course he's a sconnie.

love!

jkl

damn girl

2008-09-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

this castle starr dress is fabulous.

i'm trying to switch my theme song from rick ross' everyday i'm hustlin' to justin timberlake's damn girl just for the sake of positivity. this castle star dress is very very damn girl and i like that.

i love sleeved mini dresses...they're sassy (and therefore incredibly damn girl-ish). the frilly neck of this specific one dress makes me swoon.

well folks, that's all i've got.

love!

jkl

everyday i'm hustlin'

2008-09-25T11:51:00.001-07:00

"everyday i'm hustlin,'" by rick ross has become my theme song.

i find myself mouthing the words as i peruse job website after job website and send cover letter after cover letter. i hum it when i'm running. i think it when i'm writing. it's not just a song...it's a way of life. this is bad. this is good.

everyday i'm hustlin'

word brothas.

love!
jkl

straight eye for the queer guy

2008-09-16T21:45:00.001-07:00

on friday, meg and i stepped onto the subway to see an eerily attractive man sitting across from us. he was so attractive and he looked vaguely familiar. i thought he must be famous.

soon enough shy little couples came up to him, asking about his show. a-ha! suspicion confirmed. meg and i unapologetically stared at the strange creature, trying to place him.

at the smith and 9th street stop he stood up and said "hello." i really thought he was about to berate us for staring and whispering about him, right in front of him...but instead he just asked us how much longer until 7th avenue. phew.

meg answered his question, but then continued with, "so, i happened to be eavesdropping on you and those people..." he didn't even feign shock at this admission, but merely smiled knowingly and said "uh-huh," encouraging meg to ask more.

we spent our last few minutes on the train talking about his taping of the rachel ray show that morning. we also told him that we were meeting buttons because she took an hour detour deep into the heart of brooklyn. he asked us where she lived. we answered queens. "bless her," was what he said. we parted with goodbyes on the 7th avenue platform. meg and i scurried away, giggling while he was still within earshot.

but really, who the hell is this guy? it had been plaguing me all week. after a solid hour of internet research, i figured it out: kyan douglas.

you know!...the sexy one from queer eye for the straight guy. ya, he's my new bff. and he is even nicer and prettier in person.

no. bless you, kyan douglas. bless you.

and you!

love!

jkl

when i was a young girl i used to drink ale

2008-09-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

happy birthday bread butter & jam!

it's hard to believe how fast bread butter & jam is growing up! at this point, i don't really remember why i began blogging, but it truly has become this special outlet in my life. there is something special about having an idea box that is solely yours to vent, hope, and laugh into. thank you for peeking into it every so often, too. it really does mean a lot to me.

i know this is quasi-lame to say, but blogging has actually made me feel so much closer to the people i love. my dad never fails to mention my last post when we are on the phone. brian and kim bought me the cutest pajamas after reading about my budding flannel collection. my friends never fail to torment me about the angst, optimism, awkwardness, and/or frazzledness that always seems to somehow make its way to this here spot. and there is always that random girl from the sorority or acquaintance from high school who mentions it in passing...and that makes me feel connected to my world in such a lovely way.

i know bread butter & jam seems pretty silly and self-indulgent (and let's be honest, it is). but, i hope you know that what it really is, to me, is a reflection of the people and places that make me who i am. so really, bread butter & jam is a tribute to each and every one of you. i hope you read my words as if they were a love letter...because that is truly what this whole thing is. i have to let myself be a little proud that i actually send out these love letters to you, and that i have not hidden them along with all the other unsent love letters tucked in a secret pocket of my heart.

ugh. enough of that. don't i sound so self-righteous? barf. i promise you that was not my intention. and i apologize. i guess, in the end, what i'm trying to say is just that i think bread butter and & jam is fun to do and that i think you're pretty neat, too.

on to my amazing weekend. the madison boys came to nyc to surprise chris for his birthday. it was so wonderful. us nyc transplants spent most of the weekend begging our visitors to move here so that we may have their constant good company. fingers crossed on our plea! and if not, then oh well, and we will at least be happy that we felt their warmth and silliness for their short, but sweet visit.

love!

jkl

100 days, 100 nights

2008-09-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

happy 100th post! woo hoo. exciting, right? thank you for bearing through all my ramblings...and poking fun at me about it later in public...in the company of strangers. if meg and lauren torment me one more time about my post on the yellowing leaves of autumn then i might...oh humbug...i'd just love them even more.

in other news, facebook (unemployment has driven me to excessive facebook-ing that needs to dwindle away very, very soon) has informed me that the illumination journal's website has been updated. if you haven't read my last story i printed with them, when pigs fly, then you can see it HERE (click it!).

and if you'd like to see the one before that from my sophomore year, south fork, then click HERE.

annnddd if you would like to see all the other amazing work that has been in all of the illumination issues, than you can check out their main website HERE. be sure to check out libbie allen's photography. libbie was a roommate in south africa. she took amazing pictures of my favorite place on earth, bulungula. she is an amazing person. i just tried to post up some of her stuff here, but it won't let me. well, i guess that's just more reason to go to the website! libbie is also working in new orleans right now, so think good vibes for her. all of the writers and artists featured in the journal are so talented. i am very lucky and humbled to have my work among the same pages as them.

well i just created a cozy little evening of reading for you, didn't i? well, go on now!...pour the tea, put on your glasses, get tucked in bed, strategically balance the laptop on your wobbly knees, and read away...

love!

jkl

i'm the man that loves you

2008-09-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

to be honest, i was a bit nervous about this past weekend. i don't have the best relationship with texas, high heels, or events that require me to use stairs in public. but despite these extreme obstacles, love prevailed. brian and kim's wedding weekend was beyond beautiful.

the past 4 days were insanely fun, bright, and overwhelming...but in a wow i love these two people so much kind of overwhelming instead of the i think i'm gonna throw up kind of overwhelming.

the ceremony was my favorite part. kim truly was the most beautiful person there (brian was a close 2nd). she didn't look like just some bride, but more like some godly vision coming down from the heavens to bless a lost soul and tell him where his future lays. and then this gothic music gently pushed her and her father down the aisle. and brian walked down the stairs of the stage to meet them. in slow motion we saw the handing over of kim's heart from one great man in her life to another. and more than anything else, what i felt was pride. i am so proud of my brother and what he has become and of the decisions in life that he has made. and i am proud of the important presence he is in so many people's lives...from his friends, to our parents, to our brother, to me, and to kim. and i am actually thinking about all of this while i'm standing there among the other bridesmaids. and i taste the tears before i actually realize that i'm crying. i should have expected this. i am the most happy weeper on the planet. one of the groomsmen told me they took bets on which bridesmaid would cry the most...and that the ones that bet on me totally won. of all the happy weepings of my life, though, i must say that this one was the best.

enough of this mooshy gooshy stuff! blah blah blah kim and brian are beautiful people blah blah blah. did i also mention that i took full advantage of the two open bars of the weekend, danced my heart right of my chest, and had a handful of adventures with good, good people? oh no? well, i so totally did. by the time i stumbled back to brooklyn on monday evening, i was so wiped out that i actually slept from 7:30 p.m. to 8 a.m. straight. yes, that is kind of embarrassing, but i like you so much i told you anyways.

ah, still glowing from the warm and fuzzies of the weekend.

love!

jkl